High Tea at Tea Rooms at the Pet Cemetery | Not as Bizarre as You Might Think

This weekend I travelled up to the end of the Earth North Wales to visit one of my best friends, Beth, for her birthday. It's amazing what a couple of days of good company and fresh country air can do for you. It can even undo the stress associated with the five hour train journey there on a cramped Arriva train that has no plug sockets and where a packet of Quavers will set you back £1.10. 

In anticipation of another equally uncomfortable journey home, Beth decided we should pop out for a nice breakfast and recommended the nearby Tea Rooms at the Pet Cemetery in Hollywell. I know what you're thinking because I thought the same myself. Why are you taking me to an animal burial ground for a fry-up? Isn't there a Spoons somewhere around here instead? But I was pleasantly surprised.

Bethan's Birthday Bowling Bonanza (and other B words)

This week my friend, Bethan, turned 23. The same Bethan I travelled Europe with. The Bethan who got head-butted by a horse in Berlin, forced a drunken Irish man to take off his top and bench-press a keg in a nightclub in Prague, and is always my first choice for karaoke partner. Yes, that's the one.

To celebrate we went bowling. It's difficult to say which of us is the worst at bowling. Bushell seems to score quite highly. but that's only because we keep the rails up and he ricochets the balls off them. Hayleigh is particularly good at aiming her ball at small spaces where there are no pins to knock down. For my part, I repeatedly start off well, all strikes and spares, only to totally lose all control of my arms during the second half of the game, sending the bowling balls off in weird directions and eventually coming last out of everyone.

Actually, as far as the first game goes, I blame my failure purely on the garlic bread I was eating. I was too afraid to set it down when my turn came around in case one of my friends ate it or hid it somewhere weird so I took it along with me.  Unfortunately my brain couldn't grasp the idea that my right hand needed to release what it was holding (the bowling ball) whilst my left hand needed to keep a firm grip on what it was holding (the garlic bread) so I ended up throwing them both.

Naturally, as it was a celebratory occasion, we had some drinks. We each had one free drink as part of our package (along with chicken nuggets, burgers, fries, and all kind of glorious junk food) and, when I went to the bar to get my second I asked the barman, "What would be the difference between a Bells and a Jack Daniels?" (Look at me, being all frugal!)
The barman misunderstood, thinking I meant, what's the difference between these two different kinds of whiskeys. Really? I was wearing a Jack Daniels t-shirt and cowboy boots. This girl knows her whisky!
"No," I said. "I mean, the difference in price."

I did not add, "Anyone with taste-buds would know Bells is a scotch, while Jack Daniels is a Tennessee sour mash, most comparable to a bourbon."
As it turns out they were the same price (when does that ever happen?) so no prizes for guessing which I opted for.

When bowling was over (needless to say I lost both games) we went on an adventure. Or rather, we almost went on an adventure. We drove out to an old abandoned police station, sat in the cars discussing whether or not to go in, and eventually decided it was way too scary and drove away again.

But, creepy-horror-movie-type moment aside, it was a really fun evening. The only thing that could have possibly made it better is karaoke (although I don't know many places that combine bowling and karaoke). So happy birthday Bethan! Here's hoping you don't get too drunk this weekend.

Christmas with the Wellingtons

Christmas went just as quickly as it came this year. I still have an entire jar of home-made candy cane vodka in the kitchen and suddenly it seems as though the moment has already passed for festive flavoured drinks. (Don't worry I will not let it go to waste.)

The week before Christmas was somewhat stressful. I was determined to fit in as many festive-themed activities as I possibly could in an attempt to pin down the Christmas spirit, but it did not go to plan.

The Blur that was my 2014!

Generally speaking, 2014 has been a weird year for me. For a start, it went so quickly that my head is still spinning, but I have no real idea of what I've done in the last 12 months to show for it. In 2013 I took up blogging, had a bizarre overseas romance, partied with elves, went on more spontaneous nights out than any one person has a right to do in the course of a single year, and travelled Europe, just off the top of my head.

Clean 9 Part 2: The Final Results

So in case you hadn't heard, I'm halfway through my Forever Clean 9 cleanse. During the first half I endured two days without food, adjusted to the oh so distinctive taste of aloe vera gel and had some surprising results. If you haven't read that it's right here. Because who in their right mind reads the end of a story without the beginning?

This post is a continuation of the last one, documenting the highs, lows and totally random inner monologues of the second half of the cleanse. I'm allowed a six hundred calorie meal a day, which initially sounded like it would make a feast. In fact, it probably would do if I didn't insist on somehow squeezing white bread in there somehow. But I'm totally prepared to sacrifice some peppers and onions for a buttered roll. I am, after all, Queen of Carbs.

Day 5

9:26am: I no longer need to sleep for ten or so hours to feel well-rested. This morning I woke up at 8:15am (and, let's be honest, that's practically the middle of the night) wide-eyed and ready to take on the day. There was an internal struggle because I was loathed to leave the comfort of my bed at such an unreasonable hour, but, try as I might, I couldn't get back to sleep. This is a big deal for a girl who's been known to sleep for thirteen hours and still need an afternoon nap. 

For a good few years I've suffered from insomnia followed by extreme fatigue in a kind of malicious cycle. The result is I've spent much of my life either in bed snoozing during the daytime or in bed tossing and turning during the night-time. If the Clean 9 can put and end to all that it will have a huge impact on my life.

5:10pm: Another day almost over with. I've felt great today and surprised myself by absolutely smashing a Jillian Michael's workout. I thought for sure I wouldn't stand a chance of getting through it seeing as I haven't been having many calories, but my energy levels are so high and I feel strong!
I'm not sure if Diet Cola can be included in my calorie count for tonight's dinner, but I'm taking a chance. I'm in the mood for a treat. I really haven't been very hungry for the past two days and my cravings have all but vanished. The only problem I'm having is with the maths involved in counting my calories.

5:15pm: I wish I was taking a shot of whisky rather than a shot of aloe vera...

6:28pm: I just made my yoghurt last twenty minutes. It was glorious.

Day 6

"This may be the worst day ever to be banned from drinking"

11:14pm: I feel great! I weighed again this morning and I haven't lost any more weight. Actually I've gained an inch around my waist since day three, which is really bizarre. But my hair is super soft and smooth and I just feel wonderful! I can officially give up on afternoon naps at this rate.

6:28pm: This may be the worst day ever to be banned from drinking and stuffing my face. A big group of us sat outside the cricket club and there was a BBQ and cheap alcohol. Oh, what I wouldn't have done for a glass of rose and a burger! Even worse, I'm going to a house party tonight and I am guaranteed to be the only sober person there. In fact, odds are I'm going to be the only one able to stand up straight.

1:06am: I am pouting. There were vodka jelly shots and scotch. 

Day 7

9:16am: My mother woke me up after only six hours of sleep. For the first time in I can't remember how long the sound of her bursting into my room to sit on the edge of my bed and ramble on about rubbish while I'm half awake didn't make me want to claw her eyes out. On the contrary, I woke in an excellent mood and actually sat up and took part in the conversation! I feel so well-rested and full of energy! And all this before my usual surfacing time of noon.

10:10pm: I never thought I'd be able to sit next to a packet of chocolate biscuits without pouncing on them. But that's what's happening right now. I'm barely hungry at all throughout the day and I'm so full of energy! It's like a constant caffeine high without the unpleasant crash or weird buzzing in my ears when I try to sleep at night. I'm getting a little bit bored of the monotony though. I mean, I love the convenience of not having to cook or wash any dishes, but it would be nice to think, "Oooh, I know what I fancy" and then go and actually eat it. But on the whole, it's going really well and the last week has gone by surprisingly quickly. 

Day 8

1:51pm: I'm starting to wonder what I'll eat when this is over. Initially, I had every intention of making my way through nine days worth of chocolate to make up for lost time, but I don't think I could manage that now. Even the idea of coming downstairs on Wednesday morning and eating breakfast seems a little strange. One thing's for sure. I will be having Jack Daniels. 

Day 9

8:13pm: What a day! I got up at the crack of dawn, went to a job interview, failed the job interview and was forced to drive home in the rain listening to country music in the knowledge that there was no glass of wine at home to comfort me when I got back because alcohol is still off limits. But the fact that I walked about twenty miles up and down a department store trying to sell make up no one wanted for no salary (crafty getting applicants to do the work for you) without collapsing on the floor shows me how far I've come. I feel like I'm finally functioning like a normal human being!

I weighed again this morning and I haven't lost any more weight. 9lbs in nine days is still pretty amazing though. 

Final Verdict

Gone are the days of gooey eyes, an itchy tongue (yes, tongue, I know that's weird) and cowering in the presence of plant-life. My hayfever cleared up entirely and only made a sneaky appearance when I forgot to take my bee pollen tablets one day. My eyes, nose and mouth are now all fully-functioning again and my face is not a swollen mess of despair.

I feel great! I can actually get out of bed in the mornings without sobbing quietly to myself. My mood has improved and the unexplainable fatigue I've been battling for years is a thing of the past. I've been awake for sixteen consecutive hours today and I only feel slightly tired. Before I'd struggle to make it past six hours. Seriously, I kid you not when I say I could easily take two naps in a day and still go to bed at 10pm.

And I lost 9lbs! That still amazes me. I've lost a little over five inches and I can fit into my denim shorts! I lot of people have warned me that I'm probably going to put all the weight back on again as soon as the cleanse is over, but the majority of people I've spoken to who did the Clean 9 never did. Since all the nasty toxins have been removed from the system the body no longer feels the need to store fat so quickly. So fingers crossed that that's true because I'd love to lose a few more pounds to squeeze into my cute little pink and cream dress for my birthday. Because it makes me feel like Barbie. And I love that!

I'm still no Victoria Secret model and I've still got a way to go, but that's a heck of an improvement in nine days!

Needless to say, I'm impressed. In fact, I haven't really shut up about it. So much so that I've convinced my mother and Hayleigh to give it a go. And now you should all give it a go. If I can do it (a girl who has been known to eat an entire large Dominos pizza and a side of cheesy garlic pizza bread in one sitting...with dessert) then anyone can. 

And if you're just dying to give this a go yourself now, you can get your Clean 9 pack here:
Forever Product Shop
And, if you do try it out, let me know how it goes and share your transformation pictures with me on instagram! I'm @aimee_oddball! 

 Now where's the cake?

Clean 9 Part 1: I Lose 9lbs in 2 Days and Retain my Sanity!

I am 22 years old. I should not have to spend my summer days cooped up in my room listening to Dolly Parton and doing arts and crafts. But the pollen count is at a menacing level at the moment. My entire head, inside and out, is alternating between  burning and itching, my eyes are producing a less than glamorous sticky goo, my nose no longer functions as a means of breathing and I have no choice but to cower away in a stuffy cave of self-pity, hiding from all plant life like it's the Day of the Triffids.

I've tried everything I can get my hands on (prescription, non-prescription and downright weird) with no avail. Nothing even takes the edge off. Seriously, my entire face is swollen. So I've decided to take my mother's advice and try out products by a company she swears by called Forever. They have a vast array of products, all totally natural and all with great reviews and renowned for combating a variety of ailments. I'm no expert on aloe vera, but we'll see how it goes.

Anyway, the long and short of it is that I have signed up for a nine day Forever cleansing programme called the Clean 9. Again, I'm no expert, but luckily I know an expert, Christine, and I had an in depth conversation with her today. She told me the products had significantly helped rid both her and her husband of their allergies. I became instantly interested. Then she told me that weight loss could be a side effect of the cleanse. At this point I all but threw my money at her. Usually I'm not one to jump on any kind of bizarre supplement-type band-wagon, but everything Christine said made good sense to me and after three years of uni life, living on raw cookie dough and cheap wine, I could do with a good cleanse. So I've got a kit with aloe gel, a shake mix, garcinia tablets and bee pollen tablets. For the first two days all food is off limits and after that I can have a 600 calorie meal each day. 

So I thought you guys may as well join me on my Clean 9 journey for the next nine days. I hope the image I have of myself when it's over, half a stone lighter and dancing in a meadow of wild flowers with a fully-functioning respiratory system, isn't too optimistic...

Day 1

10:05 am: Ok, first I must share this amazing news. Even though my detox didn't officially start until today, I started taking the Bee Pollen tablets on Thursday with the hope they could take the edge off my hayfever. In five days I went from swollen-eyed hermit surrounded by piles of used tissues to an actual fully-functioning human being, sitting outside in a field with trees, laughing and enjoying life without so much as a sniffle. Seriously, this is like some kind of voodoo or something. I haven't had to sleep with a flannel on my face and I can actually wear mascara again! So bring on the Clean 9 because I am very optimistic.

11:17am: Ok, I'm getting hungry now. I could do with some toast. Or an entire birthday cake.

1:49pm: Amazingly, I'm not as hungry as I thought I'd be by now. I just made my first shake and it's really yummy. Granted it's got a lot of lumps. Maybe I didn't mix it properly...

6:20pm: I've definitely felt better. I'm hungry and all optimism has been replaced by grumpiness. I would really like to eat something. Anything.

6:53pm: Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh! Longest evening ever!

Day 2

11:43am: I had to get up three times during the night to pee. If that wasn't bad enough I kept having nightmares about food. Needless to say, I don't feel particularly well-rested. Also, I have a bit of a headache and time is going by reeaally sloooowly. 

11:47am: A plate of English muffins would go down really well right now.

1:00pm: Ok, so you're meant to do twenty minutes of exercise a day during the Clean 9. I cheated yesterday and didn't do any because I was pouting, but I did ten minutes this morning. I'm not a super fit person, but I go to the gym regularly and I know what I'm capable of. So I could see a difference when, after six minutes, I had to lie on the floor all light-headed, mourning the lack of carbs in my life.

2:54pm: My shake isn't really hitting the spot today. Weirdly it's too sweet for me, which is pretty unbelievable seeing as my idea of heaven is a chocolate chip cookie dipped in raw cookie dough. Christine said my tastes might change while doing this. It would be amazing if this was the end of my chocolate addiction because my sweet tooth has definitely had an effect on the size on my bum.

7:48pm: My dad doesn't understand that I literally cannot eat anything. Last night he was offering me biscuits and tonight he keeps asking, "Are you sure you don't want me to make you a bacon sandwich?" I think it's fair to say I'm swinging between high points and low points. One minute I'm full of optimism, feeling proud and strong and the next I want to cry over a sizzling frying pan. But I get to eat tomorrow!

Day 3

9:18am: I've lost 9lbs! 9lbs in two days! I can squeeze my butt into a pair of shorts I couldn't even get past my hips last week. I didn't think I'd lose that much in nine days, let alone two! And, even more exciting, I can eat tonight. 

"I'm even too drained to be enthusiastic
about the shoe department."

2:12pm: It should be a criminal offence for my mother to drag me around clothes shops in this state. My lunchtime shake was due an hour ago and I am getting hungrier and grumpier every moment. I don't think she understands that, after almost three days of no food, I'm not up to trudging around or using the last of my energy to feign excitement over clothes that look like they belong in a closet in the Von Trapp family home! I'm even too drained and miserable to be enthusiastic about the shoe department. Woe truly is me!

6:05pm: So I never actually got around to that lunchtime shake because I only just got in, but after an extremely miserable half an hour, hunger and bitchiness subsided. Hurrah! The only issue I had was that my eyes started to go all gooey and itchy because I didn't have my bee pollen tablets with me and the pollen count is high. This is proof to me that those tablets are well and truly amazing and that I need to carry them with me always in future.

6:25pm: I just finished my first meal in three days. It was kind of...overrated. I expected it to be the most amazing moment of my life (some choose their wedding day, the birth of their child etc, but these people have probably never gone this long without food), but it wasn't that big of a deal when it came down to it. I started to get full up quite quickly (which is a first) and my jaw started to ache from the pure effort of chewing. I don't think I miss food so much as the freedom to stuff anything in my face whenever I want.

Day 4

12:18pm: I feel great! It reminds me of that buzz I used to get after eating blue Smarties. You know, before they took out all the colourings and made them taste like soil. I'm not even thinking about food this morning. What a wonderful day! (Even though I'm in Port Talbot. And it's raining.)

6:27pm: I have felt amazing all day! I've been full of energy and positivity (true it wavered slightly when a rude old man annoyed me in Tesco car park, but generally I've been in a great mood). And changing to two shakes a day has definitely made a difference. I haven't even felt hungry and I could take or leave my evening meal tonight. I didn't even need to be restrained from stealing the chicken dippers off Lauren's plate and that is a monumental milestone.


So I'm halfway through my nine days and it's been tough. But all at once I'm starting to see some amazing results. I mean, can we just circle back to the part where I lost 9lbs in two days? I didn't lose that much in two months  when I was dieting over the Spring. And then my energy levels are up, I'm feeling great and I no longer feel the need to scour the biscuit cupboard every half an hour.

I'm excited to see how the second half goes. I'll keep you all updated.

And if any of you fancy taking on the Clean 9 challenge then you can order your here:
Forever Product Shop
And make sure you tell me how it goes!

I am, slowly but surely, trying my best to become a Forever expert and I'm totally won over by the company. Now I'm going to be rambling on about it to every I see...

Prepare Yourselves for Food Envy: Pizza Express Review!

It seems like it's been a good while since I wrote my last post so I apologise to those of you who use this blog as a means of procrastination. I know there are quite a lot of you. I get stopped by drunken people I I've never met before in Timepiece and Arena who tell me my blog posts are their favourite distraction from revision or dissertation writing, which I love. It's kind of like being a really low grade celebrity. In a really low grade club. But then they ask me about the Beacon and I have to explain my break up story to someone I've never met before when I'm half a bottle of whisky worse off than I probably should be. I don't know what it is about the queue in the women's bathroom, but I always get into the most in-depth conversations with people.

Anyway, on a less irrelevant note, I got an email from someone at Pizza Express a few weeks ago, inviting me to go and sample their new lunch menu and write up a review on it. So, I made time in my crazy schedule, jam-packed as it is with dissertation-writing and napping, to stuff my face. I know, I know, my life's a chore.

I invited Hayleigh to come along with me. She was impressed with my promotion to official-one-day-pizza-sampler.

"They invited you to sample the menu? Wow! Your blog is practically a real job!" 

"I would totally do a full-time job that paid me in pizza" I told her. "...I just don't think my mother would accept rent in edible form."

So we headed over to the Swansea Pizza Express on Friday. Despite my sordid love-affair with pizza, I'd never been to Pizza Express so the review that follows is my honest opinion from the point of view of a brand new customer. 

Firstly, I want to admit that I went there with every intention of making healthy choices. What with my new diet, training for the 5k, and bikini season lurking on the horizon, I've actually been converted into a salad-eater of late. I'm never going to be particularly enthusiastic about carrot sticks, but I'm trying my best to make good choices. And really, there was no excuse for me not to be healthy because the lunch menu has all kinds of salads and soups. But I caved and had a pizza. And dough-balls. And a chocolate fudge cake. 

But first, let me start by saying that I really liked the place itself. It wasn't at all what I expected of a pizza restaurant. I'm not entirely sure what I did expect, but the picture I had in my head wasn't nearly as nice. Plus they had a bar stocked with Jack Daniels. I'm quick to notice the most important things first. Overall, great first impression.

Our waiter was friendly, (albeit probably a little confused by the obsessive way I was making notes) and the food came quickly. And now I will attempt to describe how delicious my pizza was. I had the Pollo ad Astra, which was just a little spicy and entirely yummy. It was the perfect size for lunchtime and the base was thin and crispy and...I just want another one right now. Like I said, I'm a pizza lover. It's my favourite food. So when I hold my hands up and say a pizza was particularly scrumptious, I have a lot of experience to back that up. I also had dough-balls on the side on Hayleigh's recommendation, which were nice. 

Hayleigh, on the other hand, actually was healthy and went for the Leggera Superfood Salad, which she said was lovely. Looking back, I should have tried some, partly for a more well-rounded review and partly because I had a little food envy. I actually looked like a meal rather than a plate of leaves, which, let's face it, is a big deal for a salad.  

"absolutely, bring on the cake"

When we had scraped our plates (literally) our waiter came over to clear everything away.

"Would you like to review the desert menu too?" He asked.

The answer to that question was and will always be, 'absolutely, bring on the cake'.

Cue me making my way through a generous slab of chocolate fudge cake with ice cream. It It was well worth however many million calories I had to go and burn off afterwards. Hayleigh had the cheese cake (again, why did I not steal it off her plate for the good of the review?) which looked delicious. She had nothing but good things to say about it. And, yet again, we both ate every mouthful. Walking back to the car I was so full I literally had cramp in my side.
was...perfect. I really think I can honestly say it was the best chocolate fudge cake I've ever had (and, trust me, there have been many servings of chocolate fudge cake in my life). It wasn't heavy or sickly like some of them can be.

So I give the new Pizza Express lunch time menu two very enthusiastic thumbs up. I was surprised at the prices considering how tasty the food is and how decent the portion sizes are. Hayleigh and I will definitely be making another trip. Maybe next time we'll dip into the Jack Daniels too.

Check out the menu for yourself!