How to Survive a Break-Up: Part 2

If you’ve read the first part of my Break-Up Survival Guide then you should, by now, be confident in your ability to navigate the initial horror of heartbreak with as little ice-cream consumption and drunk-dialling as possible. In that post I talked you through the initial stages of a break-up, from diving into an easy-to-construct pit of despair to finally accepting the fact that if they were really all that great they wouldn’t have been stupid enough to let you go in the first place.

This post is all about how to create a fabulous new single life for yourself, like a fashion-forward phoenix rising from the ashes.
If your life was a movie this would be the part where a cheesy and totally unnecessary montage would happen. And, of course, no montage would be complete without music so I have some ideas for a kick-ass ‘I’m fabulous and you will rue the day you ever let me walk out of your pathetic little life’ playlist, which you can find below.

So get out your Ipod, put down the jumbo-sized tub of Ben and Jerry’s and get ready for a break-over.

Revamp your Style

Obviously there's more to being happy and well-rounded than looking good (that said, I do feel a lot more optimistic about all aspects of my life on the days when I can get my hair to curl properly and my eye-liner is even), but a good, old-fashioned makeover can make you feel all shiny and new. Giving your life an overhaul can be a bit daunting, but changing your lipstick shade is a really easy place to start.

This is the moment you have been saving your Boots Advantage Card points for!

Whether it be a new hair colour, a total overhaul of your wardrobe or a spending spree at the makeup counter in Debenhams, pampering yourself can make you feel like an entirely new person. Now’s the time to start matching your underwear, to step away from the sweat pants and to embrace the wonders of chip-resistant nail polish. A new dawn is rising! And, of course, never underestimate the power of a new pair of shoes.

Newly single men looking to fashion themselves a fabulous new life probably won't start by bulk-buying OPI nail polish and booking in for a bikini wax (unless you're fashioning yourself an entirely new life and, in which case, more power to you). But a decent shave, a clean shirt and some Bleu De Chanel can make you feel like a new man!

Warning!

For those of you who are still in the clutches of the first stage of heartbreak, step away from the hair scissors! You are fragile and confused and this is not the time for making life-changing decisions like getting a bob, dying your hair platinum blonde (thankfully my hairdresser blatantly refused to entertain that idea) or having a fringe cut in.

There should be a compulsory waiting period of at least six weeks after a break up before people are allowed anywhere near a hair salon. If you’re still mourning the loss of a relationship, the last thing you need right now is a badly thought-out haircut. Seriously, that may just push you over the edge. 

Take up Exercise 

Muster all of your pent-up emotions and hit the gym. I know that sitting at home, eating raw cookie dough and shouting abuse at the TV screen is a much more appealing way of venting your frustration (I know, I've spent a good deal of time screaming insults at the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills). But working-out has plenty of other benefits that lying on the sofa, stuffing your face does not offer.

• Making new friends - Fitness classes are a great place to meet new people. Granted I'm the only one in my pilates class under the age of 55, but I still enjoy their company.

• Happy chemicals - In the words of the legendary Elle Words, "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy!" So, as much as kettle-bells may make you long for a swift death, take comfort in the knowledge that eventually the endorphins will fill you with glee. 

• Becoming less jiggly and wiggly - Is there anything more satisfying than squeezing your bum into a new pair of skinny jeans? To me, the thought of a hot new body is what forces me to endure the extra 30 seconds on the treadmill, to cry my way through the last set of crunches and to undergo the horror that is burpees. And, although I know by this point your ex should nothing more than a distant and distasteful memory, there is something unavoidably satisfying about the thought of them seeing how amazing you look. 

Give your brain a massage

New mascara and a gym membership are great steps towards a new you, but don’t forget to give your brain a makeover too! Meditation isn’t just for hemp-wearing vegans. It’s like a detox for your brain, a few minutes out each day for you to stop stressing over all of life’s big questions like ‘What’s going to become of Syria?’ ‘Where am I heading in life?’ ‘What shoes am I going to wear tomorrow?’ etc etc.

And, because even when we’re trying to connect with our inner being we can’t put down our mobile devices, you can download meditation apps! I use Headspace, which is a kind of beginner’s guide to meditation, which I swear by. Just don’t fall asleep midway through like I do…

Next, turn off the repeats of Catfish the TV Show and pick up a book. (A copy of this month’s Cosmopolitan does not count.) There’s nothing like becoming engrossed in a really good book, staying up until the early hours of the morning, turning the pages with anticipation, throwing the book across the room when a beloved character dies. Reading gets your brain working in a way that daytime TV simply will not. Besides, saying, “I’m working my way through the BBC’s Top 100 Reads list” sounds significantly more impressive than “I’m working my way through the new series of Teen Mom 2”.

Now is the time to get your hands on a copy of Gone with the Wind. Your breakup won’t seem nearly so devastating after reading about all of the trials and tribulations Scarlett O’Hara goes through. Take a leaf out of her book. Muster some gumption, find yourself a new outfit (preferably not made out of old curtains) and remember that tomorrow is another day.

Get out of the House

One Friday night I was happily organising my wardrobe according to colour and singing along to Madonna’s Immaculate Collection. Suddenly, midway through the chorus of Papa Don’t Preach, I realised just how depressing the scene was. It was a Friday night! Other people my age were out having fun and I was absorbed in an inner conflict about whether jumpers or skirts should hang on the left hand side of my wardrobe.

Get out and live your life. Try as many new and exciting things as you can. Meet new people, take up an obscure hobby, go on a trip. Have fun!

One of the best things about being single is that you have no one to please but yourself. Perhaps your ex didn’t share your love of water sports. Now’s the time to go water-skiing or scuba diving or…whatever it is people who like water sports do. Maybe you love dancing all night, but your ex had an aversion to night clubs. Throw on your dancing shoes and put John Travolta to shame.

Take up something out of your comfort zone. It could be disastrous (like when I took up pole dancing that one time), but you might fall in love with it, meet new friends, or discover a hidden talent.

And, if the thought of getting out, living life to the fullest and having fun still seems like too much of an effort, just keep reminding yourself of how interesting your Facebook timeline will look when it’s filled with pictures of you on your travels, bull fighting, breathing fire or whatever it is you decide to have a go at.

Only time will truly heal a broken heart. Vodka may numb the pain for a night, but you'll inevitably wake up the next day just as heartbroken with the added disadvantage of a raging hangover. The old saying 'the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else' is also just a temporary fix. Plus there is nothing more humiliating than stumbling out of a marine barracks at 7am, stinking of gin and dressed like Pocahontas. Not that I'm speaking from experience...

All you can do is wait it out, but that doesn't mean you have to be miserable. The time is going to pass anyway so you may as well spend it working on making yourself happy, improving yourself, bankrupting yourself in the shoe department and so on. 

And, remember, exes are like crocs. One day, maybe in a few months, maybe years from now, you'll look back at them and think, 'what on earth was I thinking?!'

Aimee's Playlist

Once again, I've put together a playlist to get you through this stage of your breakup. There's plenty of Kellie Pickler again and, if you hate how cheesy it is, I'm sorry, but it's my own personal playlist and I have a questionable taste in music. Enjoy!