My Blogging Birthday!

Firstly, seeing as this is a post dedicated to the celebration of this date, I know it seems ridiculous to be writing it at 10pm when the day is almost over. But I spent the entire day at a safari park (which is a whole other weird, wonderful and saliva-filled story) and this is the first chance I've had to sit down and get to work.

Somehow it has been an entire year since I started this blog. I started it with no clear vision, knowledge of computers or idea of what I was doing. In fact, it only came about because so many people informed me they liked to keep up to date with my Facebook statuses because, apparently, they're hilarious. Then one night, in a night club in Exeter, a slightly tipsy girl I'd never seen before suddenly called my name.
"Oh wow! I read your status updates on Facebook. I always log in to see if you've said something funny. I love them! Seriously, there are so amazing!"
At that point I decided on two things. Firstly, I needed to change my Facebook privacy settings. And secondly, I needed to start a blog.

And so twenty oddball was born one year ago today and in that time I've blogged about:

- Enormous pants
- A transatlantic love interest
- Hugging Floella Benjamin
- Men who claim to own gondolas (but clearly don't)
- Elves
- Various near-death experiences

And those are just a handful of examples off the top of my head.

Actually, when it's all laid out like that, I have to acknowledge that it's been a really weird year...

But, what's very depressing is the fact that, even though the last year has seen me travel Europe, graduate from university and survive the Eurovision, I've somehow wound up in exactly the same place as I was when I first started twenty oddball. In my first ever blog post I wrote...

"At 21 years old I find myself back at my parents' house during the summer break from uni, and very, very single"


And here I am, exactly one year later, back at my parents' house after graduation, and very, very single. I'm not convinced that I've really made that much progress.

But, if nothing else seems to be moving forward at a visible rate, at least my blog is doing well. What started out as a kind of vague mess of ramblings has, during the last year, flowered into a vague mess of ramblings with an accompanying twitter account. And the occasional reader!

And, for the nosey among you, you might like to know that in my first year I've had 6,118 views and my most popular post was F-Words All Round: Freebies, Fun, and Foul Cocktails.

So here's to twenty oddball and let's keep our fingers crossed that my life will continue along unexpected and somewhat bizarre paths so that I can entertain you all for years to come!

Twenty Oddball Birthday Bonanza Giveaway!

On the 30th July twenty oddball turns one year old. So, at the end of this month I will have officially been entertaining people with my ramblings and tales of shame and poor judgement for an entire 365 days!

Obviously, we must celebrate this momentous occasion. In a perfect world I would teleport you all here so we could party and eat cake together, but, even if there was such a thing as a teleportation machine, I have enough trouble trying to plug the Playstation in so odds are, I'd never get it to work. It's probably for the best anyway. I wouldn't want to have to spend the whole of the next day scraping birthday cake out of the carpet. 

So, I'm opting for the next best thing and hosting a giveaway! 

Choosing a prize was an ordeal. For one, the very day I chose to pop into town to pick something up, there were a whole host of events taking place in the city centre. There was a craft fair, a vintage car show, men dancing with fire, an orchestra, a totally random polar bear statue that seemed to serve no purpose, and crowds of people who seemed to have nothing better to do than stand wherever I wanted to walk. Plus, from nowhere the sun came out and I was forced to dodge the crowds as I melted in my jeans. 

The second issue was trying to decide what to actually give away. My readers are all ages, male and female, and from all sorts of countries (actually, I've really had to brush on my Geography since I started this blog). So it wasn't enough to ask myself what I'd like to win in a giveaway because, odds are, pink, sparkly stilettos aren't everyone's cup of tea. 

Thankfully, what is universal is chocolate. And I have an abundance of it on offer! It's all Thornton's (I'm not sure if people outside of the UK will have heard of it, but trust me when I say, it's delicious). I bought a box of Classics, a box of Gooey Caramel Irresistibles and a really cute and yummy-looking chocolate monkey. 

I also picked up a Knock Knock notebook, which I am in love with and having inner turmoil about giving away. I may have to go and buy another one for myself. The quotes inside are hilarious. 

And you can get all of these goodies (along with a good dose of my genuine love) by entering the Twenty Oddball Birthday Bonanza Giveaway (rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?) I'm hosting it on some techy-type internet thingy called Rafflecopter, but even I can work it so trust me when I say it's simple. 

You can enter on twitter, facebook, or right here on the blog and each way you connect gets you another entry. The closing date is July 31st and I'll post the winner on my facebook page, twitter account, instagram, and right here on the blog as well as sending a message to the winner so there's no chance of any funny business. Plus, you can enter from anywhere in the world! 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

So get to it and good luck!

The reason I pinched these pictures from the internet rather than taking my own is because I am currently on my deathbed (slight exaggeration) and I'm too ill to leave my bed. Or sit up. Or open my eyes for too long. Luckily, I wrote the rest of the post yesterday because even typing this is just too much right now.

Boring Terms and Conditions

This is my first giveaway and I just want it to be a fun way to celebrate and say thanks to my readers with no drama or unexpected disasters. So let's cover the bases.

This giveaway is running worldwide, but remember that there may be customs charges in your country for accepting a package from abroad. Much as I wish I could be, I'm not in charge of the worldwide postal system so there's nothing I can do to help you with that.

I will pack the prizes with love (and bubblewrap), but there's no guarantee that some moody guy in the Post Office won't man-handle the package. No one wants the chocolate monkey to arrive with no head, but, again, it's beyond my control once the package is out of my hands.

Update!

And the winner is Sarah Olson! Thanks to everyone who entered. I'll be posting more giveaways soon so fingers crossed for next time.

Graduation Day: Stupid Hats, Free Champagne and Floella Benjamin

I am now officially Aimee Wellington BA. I've graduated from one of the best universities in the country and have an excessive amount of photos of me in a stupid hat to prove it. It hasn't been easy. Over the past three years I've dealt with grimy student housing, cried at my dissertation supervisor on at least three occasions, threatened to drop out, threatened to never come home, overcome the torture that is first year Approaches to Criticism, and have faced a world of people who wear Jack Wills and say things like "ciao ciao darlings" on a daily basis. On the flip side I've also befriended some fellow loons, learned some excellent drinking games, had some of the best and most ridiculous memories of my life so far, and survived freshers week three years in a row. But where did the time go?

On Tuesday afternoon my mother, father, brother and I packed into the car to head down to Exeter. Of course Rob got shotgun because he's the golden child. My mother claimed it was because he's significantly taller than me, but I'm not convinced. We stayed in a hotel overnight. Graduation was starting at 9am on Wednesday and my butt had to be in my seat at 8:30am so alarm clocks were set (with heavy hearts) for 5:45am. Perhaps it wouldn't have been so bad, but a certain someone (I won't name names) snored all night long so loudly that even with my sound-proof earphones in and iphone turned up to full volume, the hideous snorting noises kept me up most of the night.

So Wednesday morning I was back on campus, being pinned into my robes (I will never understand why the robes and the hood come separately when it would save a lot of time and safety-pin related injuries if they were attached) and trying to keep my hat on properly. It felt surreal. Surely it wasn't time to graduate and leave Exeter already? It felt like I'd only just started university and here I was about to finish. But, on the grand scale of things it could have been worse. Because the people graduating from masters courses had hats even more ridiculous than mine.

The ceremony itself was fantastic. That was mostly down to the fact that the chancellor of the university is Floella Benjamin, ex-children's TV star and all round just an entirely amazing and highly flamboyant lady. Plus, the woman is sixty five and clearly has not aged a day since her days singing nursery rhymes on the BBC back in the 70s.

Whereas in a lot of graduation ceremonies, graduands are called up in groups of three of four, shake hands with the chancellor and scurry back off stage, in Exeter we get called up one by one, get embraced by Floella who then looks lovingly into each students' eyes and gives some words of wisdom. Rumour has it she whispers something different to every person, but I can't see how that can possibly be true. Either way, when it was my turn to go up on stage I all but threw myself into Floella's arms. She is simply a legend. And her hugs are amazing.

When the ceremony was over and everyone had managed to walk across the stage and hug Floella without falling, the brass band started up and we got clapped out of the Great Hall, which was unexpected. Then I met up with my parents and Rob. My dad was actually a little teary-eyed and, wonder of wonders, to the surprise of all, my mother shooed Rob out of the way so she could get a picture of me. If I'd known all I needed was a BA to knock him off the golden child pedestal, I wouldn't have bothered with my gap year before uni. 

Photos were followed by an abundance of free champagne and cupcakes at the reception. Every time a glass started to look empty someone would appear to top it up, which my mother highly appreciated.

It was at this point that my brother opened the envelope I'd been presented with in the ceremony.
"This is empty." He said.
It's really annoying, but I missed an exam in January and have to take it in August so I can't get my hands on my actual degree until then. Still, it seems a bit random that they'd just give me the empty envelope.

Then, when we'd consumed more than enough champagne, we took a stroll around campus to take even more photos. At some point my mother got hold of the camera and seemed to genuinely believe she was a professional photographer. 
"Ok, tip your head at an angle slightly."
"Oooh, go and lean up against that wall. No, the other way."
"Go and stand behind that tree and kind of peak around from behind it."
"Now lay across that boulder."
I was, during this whole performance, weighed down by the weight of my robes and trudging around in the heat of the sunshine in a black cloak.

But once several hundred photos had been taken in various places with my head tipped at various angles, we headed to Chaucer's, my absolute favourite restaurant in Exeter where I ate so much cheesy chicken with bacon I thought I was going to explode out of my graduation dress. They had a deal on. Buy two classes of wine and get the rest of the bottle free. So my mother and brother got a bottle of wine...each. It made for an interesting mealtime. It was 2pm.

On the way back to the car Rob suddenly stopped in front of the Body Shop.
"Do they sell £1 candles here?" He asked and wandered inside.
"...It's a cosmetics shop." I told him. "Wilkinsons is just around the corner."
"No, no. The moment has passed."
I still have no idea what that moment actually was.

Then, when it was time for my family to leave, they dropped me off at my student house and told me again how proud they were of me because I'm the first Wellington to get a degree. And from the University of Exeter of all places. My mother was particularly enthusiastic. In fact, she kind of squished my face...in a loving way.

"I've never told you this, but before you were born, I went to a physic. She told me not to have you because you'd bring me misery and regret. But look at you! You haven't!"
...Thanks?

And then they drove off into the sunset, returning fifteen minutes later because I'd left my dress for the graduation ball in the back of the car. They loved me slightly less then.

Since then I've spent the last two days trying to cram three years worth of rubbish into boxes and tomorrow I leave behind student life for good. It's gone so quickly. Too quickly. I'm not ready to leave! That said, I'm bored of living off microwavable rice so maybe it's for the best.

Can I Just be a Playboy Witch Every Day?

It's no secret that I'm partial to a good fancy dress costume. I have two big boxes of costumes under my bed with everything from Daphne from Scooby Doo to a sailor, a mobster to Snow White and at least three pirate costumes alone. Whatever the occasion, I will find a way to incorporate a costume.

"Oh, St Patrick's Day? Let's all dress as Leprechauns (despite the fact that we don't have any plans for that night)."

 "It would be a travesty for us to go all the way to Berlin without lederhosen!"

"Pirates of the Caribbean is showing in the cinema. Obviously we need to dress as pirates and go and watch it."

So last week when the lovely people at Joker's Masquerade sent me a costume to review, I was:
a) As excited as a small child on Christmas Eve.
b) Confident that I was enough of a fancy dress connoisseur to write a well-informed review.

What's even more exciting is that they sent me a costume from their Halloween range. Because, in our household, Halloween isn't about merely carving a pumpkin and throwing cheap sweets at small children who knock on the door. We have graveyards, we have coffins, we have smoke machines and strobe lighting. Planning for our parties starts as early as January and, once September hits, my dad, my brother and I will be talking severed hands and skull collections non-stop while my mother keeps clear of the house and pretends she doesn't know any of us.

So try and imagine my pure glee when, the very next day after being in contact with the company, my witch's costume arrived. Devastatingly, the postman arrived just as I was leaving for Exeter so I had to wait a whole weekend before I was able to try it on, but once I tried it, I didn't want to take it off! If only it was acceptable to casually walk around every day dressed as a Playboy witch in the middle of July! 


So, let's get down to the nitty gritty. My first personal rule of fancy dress is to go for the size smaller than you would in normal clothes. This costume was a size six and in real life I'm an eight to ten. That doesn't necessarily mean the same applies for everyone. After all, I'm not exactly blessed in the bust department so that probably has something to do with it. But it's worth considering that fancy dress sizes and highstreet sizes can differ. 

Now on to the costume itself. I love it! The stripy socks and criss-cross affect on the front make it really witchy and it's sexy in a fun, cute way rather than a 'I charge for sex' kind of way. Because, let's be honest, life is not Mean Girls and, no matter what the occasion, I'm never going to willingly go outside looking like a prostitute. That said, it probably won't be the costume I wear to my niece and nephew's Halloween party because the suspenders might be a bit much in a room full of five year olds.

The quality really impressed me. It's no secret that fancy dress costumes can be really cheap-looking and sometimes very naff. But this fell nicely, it didn't feel cheap and tacky, and the fabrics were nicer than some of my other costumes. What I really loved was the lining under the skirt to give it volume because usually I have to wear a petticoat under my costumes or else they just hang there looking very sad and pathetic. There's also a stiff lining in the hat, which is genius because no one wants a floppy witch's hat! Plus, what's really cute is the lining has tiny little Playboy bunnies on. I'm a fan of little details. Also, I'm loving that the cut on the bust is so flattering because usually costumes are made for women much more blessed than I am and the fabric kind of bunches up around my boobs in a really unattractive way. In fact, the whole way it fits it's perfect.

The only thing I didn't like were the suspenders. It's a really cute design, but they're more aesthetic than practical. They kept coming undone and it would have been nice if you could adjust the length on them because I'm quite short so they were too slack to hold the socks up properly.

That said, I am so impressed with this costume. I would never have considered opting for a costume made by Playboy, but in future I will. The quality surpassed my expectations and, seriously, look how cute it is! This whole experience has kick-started Halloween fever in my house. I know most normal people won't start thinking about Halloween until October hits, but remember that if you want a great costume you can't leave it until last minute. Like the guy I saw in Sainsbury's last Halloween who was looking for a costume for a party that was starting in an hour's time. The poor guy couldn't even find any face paint!

So a big thank you to Joker's Masquerade and if anyone sees me wandering around Port Talbot dressed as a witch in the upcoming weeks, you know why.

Clean 9 Part 2: The Final Results

So in case you hadn't heard, I'm halfway through my Forever Clean 9 cleanse. During the first half I endured two days without food, adjusted to the oh so distinctive taste of aloe vera gel and had some surprising results. If you haven't read that it's right here. Because who in their right mind reads the end of a story without the beginning?

This post is a continuation of the last one, documenting the highs, lows and totally random inner monologues of the second half of the cleanse. I'm allowed a six hundred calorie meal a day, which initially sounded like it would make a feast. In fact, it probably would do if I didn't insist on somehow squeezing white bread in there somehow. But I'm totally prepared to sacrifice some peppers and onions for a buttered roll. I am, after all, Queen of Carbs.

Day 5

9:26am: I no longer need to sleep for ten or so hours to feel well-rested. This morning I woke up at 8:15am (and, let's be honest, that's practically the middle of the night) wide-eyed and ready to take on the day. There was an internal struggle because I was loathed to leave the comfort of my bed at such an unreasonable hour, but, try as I might, I couldn't get back to sleep. This is a big deal for a girl who's been known to sleep for thirteen hours and still need an afternoon nap. 

For a good few years I've suffered from insomnia followed by extreme fatigue in a kind of malicious cycle. The result is I've spent much of my life either in bed snoozing during the daytime or in bed tossing and turning during the night-time. If the Clean 9 can put and end to all that it will have a huge impact on my life.

5:10pm: Another day almost over with. I've felt great today and surprised myself by absolutely smashing a Jillian Michael's workout. I thought for sure I wouldn't stand a chance of getting through it seeing as I haven't been having many calories, but my energy levels are so high and I feel strong!
I'm not sure if Diet Cola can be included in my calorie count for tonight's dinner, but I'm taking a chance. I'm in the mood for a treat. I really haven't been very hungry for the past two days and my cravings have all but vanished. The only problem I'm having is with the maths involved in counting my calories.

5:15pm: I wish I was taking a shot of whisky rather than a shot of aloe vera...

6:28pm: I just made my yoghurt last twenty minutes. It was glorious.

Day 6

"This may be the worst day ever to be banned from drinking"

11:14pm: I feel great! I weighed again this morning and I haven't lost any more weight. Actually I've gained an inch around my waist since day three, which is really bizarre. But my hair is super soft and smooth and I just feel wonderful! I can officially give up on afternoon naps at this rate.

6:28pm: This may be the worst day ever to be banned from drinking and stuffing my face. A big group of us sat outside the cricket club and there was a BBQ and cheap alcohol. Oh, what I wouldn't have done for a glass of rose and a burger! Even worse, I'm going to a house party tonight and I am guaranteed to be the only sober person there. In fact, odds are I'm going to be the only one able to stand up straight.

1:06am: I am pouting. There were vodka jelly shots and scotch. 

Day 7

9:16am: My mother woke me up after only six hours of sleep. For the first time in I can't remember how long the sound of her bursting into my room to sit on the edge of my bed and ramble on about rubbish while I'm half awake didn't make me want to claw her eyes out. On the contrary, I woke in an excellent mood and actually sat up and took part in the conversation! I feel so well-rested and full of energy! And all this before my usual surfacing time of noon.

10:10pm: I never thought I'd be able to sit next to a packet of chocolate biscuits without pouncing on them. But that's what's happening right now. I'm barely hungry at all throughout the day and I'm so full of energy! It's like a constant caffeine high without the unpleasant crash or weird buzzing in my ears when I try to sleep at night. I'm getting a little bit bored of the monotony though. I mean, I love the convenience of not having to cook or wash any dishes, but it would be nice to think, "Oooh, I know what I fancy" and then go and actually eat it. But on the whole, it's going really well and the last week has gone by surprisingly quickly. 

Day 8

1:51pm: I'm starting to wonder what I'll eat when this is over. Initially, I had every intention of making my way through nine days worth of chocolate to make up for lost time, but I don't think I could manage that now. Even the idea of coming downstairs on Wednesday morning and eating breakfast seems a little strange. One thing's for sure. I will be having Jack Daniels. 

Day 9

8:13pm: What a day! I got up at the crack of dawn, went to a job interview, failed the job interview and was forced to drive home in the rain listening to country music in the knowledge that there was no glass of wine at home to comfort me when I got back because alcohol is still off limits. But the fact that I walked about twenty miles up and down a department store trying to sell make up no one wanted for no salary (crafty getting applicants to do the work for you) without collapsing on the floor shows me how far I've come. I feel like I'm finally functioning like a normal human being!

I weighed again this morning and I haven't lost any more weight. 9lbs in nine days is still pretty amazing though. 

Final Verdict

Gone are the days of gooey eyes, an itchy tongue (yes, tongue, I know that's weird) and cowering in the presence of plant-life. My hayfever cleared up entirely and only made a sneaky appearance when I forgot to take my bee pollen tablets one day. My eyes, nose and mouth are now all fully-functioning again and my face is not a swollen mess of despair.

I feel great! I can actually get out of bed in the mornings without sobbing quietly to myself. My mood has improved and the unexplainable fatigue I've been battling for years is a thing of the past. I've been awake for sixteen consecutive hours today and I only feel slightly tired. Before I'd struggle to make it past six hours. Seriously, I kid you not when I say I could easily take two naps in a day and still go to bed at 10pm.

And I lost 9lbs! That still amazes me. I've lost a little over five inches and I can fit into my denim shorts! I lot of people have warned me that I'm probably going to put all the weight back on again as soon as the cleanse is over, but the majority of people I've spoken to who did the Clean 9 never did. Since all the nasty toxins have been removed from the system the body no longer feels the need to store fat so quickly. So fingers crossed that that's true because I'd love to lose a few more pounds to squeeze into my cute little pink and cream dress for my birthday. Because it makes me feel like Barbie. And I love that!

I'm still no Victoria Secret model and I've still got a way to go, but that's a heck of an improvement in nine days!

Needless to say, I'm impressed. In fact, I haven't really shut up about it. So much so that I've convinced my mother and Hayleigh to give it a go. And now you should all give it a go. If I can do it (a girl who has been known to eat an entire large Dominos pizza and a side of cheesy garlic pizza bread in one sitting...with dessert) then anyone can. 

And if you're just dying to give this a go yourself now, you can get your Clean 9 pack here:
Forever Product Shop
And, if you do try it out, let me know how it goes and share your transformation pictures with me on instagram! I'm @aimee_oddball! 

 Now where's the cake?

Clean 9 Part 1: I Lose 9lbs in 2 Days and Retain my Sanity!

I am 22 years old. I should not have to spend my summer days cooped up in my room listening to Dolly Parton and doing arts and crafts. But the pollen count is at a menacing level at the moment. My entire head, inside and out, is alternating between  burning and itching, my eyes are producing a less than glamorous sticky goo, my nose no longer functions as a means of breathing and I have no choice but to cower away in a stuffy cave of self-pity, hiding from all plant life like it's the Day of the Triffids.

I've tried everything I can get my hands on (prescription, non-prescription and downright weird) with no avail. Nothing even takes the edge off. Seriously, my entire face is swollen. So I've decided to take my mother's advice and try out products by a company she swears by called Forever. They have a vast array of products, all totally natural and all with great reviews and renowned for combating a variety of ailments. I'm no expert on aloe vera, but we'll see how it goes.

Anyway, the long and short of it is that I have signed up for a nine day Forever cleansing programme called the Clean 9. Again, I'm no expert, but luckily I know an expert, Christine, and I had an in depth conversation with her today. She told me the products had significantly helped rid both her and her husband of their allergies. I became instantly interested. Then she told me that weight loss could be a side effect of the cleanse. At this point I all but threw my money at her. Usually I'm not one to jump on any kind of bizarre supplement-type band-wagon, but everything Christine said made good sense to me and after three years of uni life, living on raw cookie dough and cheap wine, I could do with a good cleanse. So I've got a kit with aloe gel, a shake mix, garcinia tablets and bee pollen tablets. For the first two days all food is off limits and after that I can have a 600 calorie meal each day. 

So I thought you guys may as well join me on my Clean 9 journey for the next nine days. I hope the image I have of myself when it's over, half a stone lighter and dancing in a meadow of wild flowers with a fully-functioning respiratory system, isn't too optimistic...

Day 1

10:05 am: Ok, first I must share this amazing news. Even though my detox didn't officially start until today, I started taking the Bee Pollen tablets on Thursday with the hope they could take the edge off my hayfever. In five days I went from swollen-eyed hermit surrounded by piles of used tissues to an actual fully-functioning human being, sitting outside in a field with trees, laughing and enjoying life without so much as a sniffle. Seriously, this is like some kind of voodoo or something. I haven't had to sleep with a flannel on my face and I can actually wear mascara again! So bring on the Clean 9 because I am very optimistic.

11:17am: Ok, I'm getting hungry now. I could do with some toast. Or an entire birthday cake.

1:49pm: Amazingly, I'm not as hungry as I thought I'd be by now. I just made my first shake and it's really yummy. Granted it's got a lot of lumps. Maybe I didn't mix it properly...

6:20pm: I've definitely felt better. I'm hungry and all optimism has been replaced by grumpiness. I would really like to eat something. Anything.

6:53pm: Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh! Longest evening ever!

Day 2

11:43am: I had to get up three times during the night to pee. If that wasn't bad enough I kept having nightmares about food. Needless to say, I don't feel particularly well-rested. Also, I have a bit of a headache and time is going by reeaally sloooowly. 

11:47am: A plate of English muffins would go down really well right now.

1:00pm: Ok, so you're meant to do twenty minutes of exercise a day during the Clean 9. I cheated yesterday and didn't do any because I was pouting, but I did ten minutes this morning. I'm not a super fit person, but I go to the gym regularly and I know what I'm capable of. So I could see a difference when, after six minutes, I had to lie on the floor all light-headed, mourning the lack of carbs in my life.

2:54pm: My shake isn't really hitting the spot today. Weirdly it's too sweet for me, which is pretty unbelievable seeing as my idea of heaven is a chocolate chip cookie dipped in raw cookie dough. Christine said my tastes might change while doing this. It would be amazing if this was the end of my chocolate addiction because my sweet tooth has definitely had an effect on the size on my bum.

7:48pm: My dad doesn't understand that I literally cannot eat anything. Last night he was offering me biscuits and tonight he keeps asking, "Are you sure you don't want me to make you a bacon sandwich?" I think it's fair to say I'm swinging between high points and low points. One minute I'm full of optimism, feeling proud and strong and the next I want to cry over a sizzling frying pan. But I get to eat tomorrow!

Day 3

9:18am: I've lost 9lbs! 9lbs in two days! I can squeeze my butt into a pair of shorts I couldn't even get past my hips last week. I didn't think I'd lose that much in nine days, let alone two! And, even more exciting, I can eat tonight. 

"I'm even too drained to be enthusiastic
about the shoe department."

2:12pm: It should be a criminal offence for my mother to drag me around clothes shops in this state. My lunchtime shake was due an hour ago and I am getting hungrier and grumpier every moment. I don't think she understands that, after almost three days of no food, I'm not up to trudging around or using the last of my energy to feign excitement over clothes that look like they belong in a closet in the Von Trapp family home! I'm even too drained and miserable to be enthusiastic about the shoe department. Woe truly is me!

6:05pm: So I never actually got around to that lunchtime shake because I only just got in, but after an extremely miserable half an hour, hunger and bitchiness subsided. Hurrah! The only issue I had was that my eyes started to go all gooey and itchy because I didn't have my bee pollen tablets with me and the pollen count is high. This is proof to me that those tablets are well and truly amazing and that I need to carry them with me always in future.

6:25pm: I just finished my first meal in three days. It was kind of...overrated. I expected it to be the most amazing moment of my life (some choose their wedding day, the birth of their child etc, but these people have probably never gone this long without food), but it wasn't that big of a deal when it came down to it. I started to get full up quite quickly (which is a first) and my jaw started to ache from the pure effort of chewing. I don't think I miss food so much as the freedom to stuff anything in my face whenever I want.

Day 4

12:18pm: I feel great! It reminds me of that buzz I used to get after eating blue Smarties. You know, before they took out all the colourings and made them taste like soil. I'm not even thinking about food this morning. What a wonderful day! (Even though I'm in Port Talbot. And it's raining.)

6:27pm: I have felt amazing all day! I've been full of energy and positivity (true it wavered slightly when a rude old man annoyed me in Tesco car park, but generally I've been in a great mood). And changing to two shakes a day has definitely made a difference. I haven't even felt hungry and I could take or leave my evening meal tonight. I didn't even need to be restrained from stealing the chicken dippers off Lauren's plate and that is a monumental milestone.


So I'm halfway through my nine days and it's been tough. But all at once I'm starting to see some amazing results. I mean, can we just circle back to the part where I lost 9lbs in two days? I didn't lose that much in two months  when I was dieting over the Spring. And then my energy levels are up, I'm feeling great and I no longer feel the need to scour the biscuit cupboard every half an hour.

I'm excited to see how the second half goes. I'll keep you all updated.

And if any of you fancy taking on the Clean 9 challenge then you can order your here:
Forever Product Shop
And make sure you tell me how it goes!

I am, slowly but surely, trying my best to become a Forever expert and I'm totally won over by the company. Now I'm going to be rambling on about it to every I see...