The Weirdness that was my 2013!

At the risk of sounding like someone's great aunt, time really does fly. I can't get my head around the fact that 2013 is about to come to an end. It has been a fantastic year for me! I'm partly sad to see the back of it, but partly excited to see what kinds of adventures 2014 will bring. 

My Year in Pictures!

 I thought I'd do a review of the year with a little questionnaire, all about my 2013.

What was your favourite memory of 2013?

How can I even choose? This year has been crammed full of great memories. Over 20 of us went on a family holiday to Greece this summer. A particular highlight was when my sister-in-law and I drunkenly hid behind a tree to make bird noises at the others, totally oblivious to the fact that everyone could blatantly see our heads over the branches. The joke was on us as they sat, silently judging us. But my absolute favourite part of the year was the Eurotrip I took with my friends, Hayleigh and Bethan. Midnight police raids, humans with gills, giant penises…and that was all before we made it as far as Germany. If you’re intrigued (which you should be) I blogged all about it back in September. Trust me, it’s dramatic.

 What was your most embarrassing moment?

If I allowed myself to feel embarrassed I would have to immediately move to a cave, far from any kind of human contact. My life is just that full of socially awkward situations. I tend to scream at strangers quite often. I’m just so jumpy. If they happen to be on the other side of a door I open, or are within 3 feet of me when I turn around quickly, I scream in their faces. Loudly. And then scurry away with eyes diverted.

What were you most proud of completing?

My 3,000 word Acts of Writing essay. ‘Discuss the spaces in-between identity positions.’ I successfully managed to blag my way through 3,000 words of rubbish during one of the most awful weeks of my university life. For two whole days I didn’t leave my room and by the time I finally finished typing it up I had lost all feeling in my right leg because I’d been sitting down for so long.

What was the biggest risk you took?

Flying to Cologne to meet the Beacon for the first time. In part I was terrified of having a ‘Taken’ type scenario kick off (and it’s safe to say my Dad is no Liam Neeson), and in part I was worried that he would turn out to be a balding, 40 year old man instead of the good-looking guy I remembered. And then there was the risk that he wouldn’t like my shoes…

What was your worst habit this year?

Procrastinating! It is the curse of my life.

What do you wish you had done more of?

Reading for uni. I’m sure it would help with the exam I have next month.

What do you wish you had done less of?

Candy Crush Saga. Why do you plague me?

Have you positively influenced a child this year?

I got my niece a dress like the one she saw Eden Wood wearing in Toddlers and Tiaras…so probably not.

Did you suffer any illness or injury?

Amazingly no! (Although, let’s not tempt fate. The year isn’t over yet.) I am a doctor’s worst nightmare! Between allergies, low iron, and my general poor excuse for an immune system, I was pleasantly surprised to get through the year unscathed.

What was your favourite book?

Gone With the Wind. I’m just waiting for hoop skirts to come back in fashion.

What was your favourite film?

I really haven’t watched many new films this year. I think I only went to the cinema twice, once to see The Conjuring and once to see Disney’s Planes. I didn’t particularly like either of them, although I spent half of one crying into my popcorn and half of the other trying to get Lauren not to throw hers at me.

Describe your style for 2013 in one word.

...Aimee.

How old did you turn on your birthday and how did you celebrate?

I turned 22 and, to celebrate being a very grown up person, I had an Alice in Wonderland tea party. We had cocktails, tea cups, cupcakes, pink flamingos, playing cards, and all things quirky. I loved it!

What was a typical day in 2013?

When I’m in Exeter my average day starts at about noon. If I don’t need to go anywhere then I may or may not change out of my pjs, depending on how zealous I’m feeling. I will typically consume at least one Cup a Soup, crawl into Kirsty’s bed while she’s trying to work, avoid my own work at all costs, and bug the Beacon.

What were you doing most Saturday mornings this year?

Sleeping.

What were you doing at 3pm during the weekdays?

Sleeping.

What were you doing on Sunday evenings?

Napping.

How will you be spending New Year’s?

The Beacon is coming to Wales! I’m not sure if he fully understands what he has let himself in for, between my crazy family, the constant rain, overwhelming number of sheep, and indecipherable accents. But we will be spending New Year’s Eve at a golf club about an hour from where I live, where we will have a meal, entertainment, and copious amounts of alcohol. The next day I’ll be bringing him back to Port Talbot. Pity help him.

What are your New Year’s Resolutions for 2014?

I want to work on my blog next year. I’m finally ready to deal with my technophobia, which means I may also be experimenting with video blogs on Youtube…providing someone can show me how to make that be a thing. And to kick things off I’m going to attempt a January Instagram challenge. It will challenge my technophobia as well as my memory because I’m meant to post a different picture every day. Goodness knows how that will go. But I’d love some new followers (because it’s slightly sad if you’re uploading pictures purely for yourself).

My Instagram name thingy is aimee_oddball

What quote sums up your 2013?

“Guys, would you rather be a fish with lungs or a human with gills?” 

Happy New Year everyone! And if anyone does this New Year review post for yourselves I'd love to take a look. I promise I won't try and copy your answers or anything.

A Very Crazy Wellington Christmas

The last few Christmases have been somewhat...melodramatic for my family. We've dealt with everything from a Christmas Day in hospital to a Black Friday in the crematorium. So this year it was nice to just relax, have fun, and be the totally crazy family we are. And seeing as it's the season of giving, I thought I'd invite you into the mad house.

On Christmas Day, Facebook and Instagram were full of pictures of all the lovely presents people had. Personally, I'm not exactly inclined to take a duck-faced selfie with all my gifts or name drop Calvin Klein, Apple, or UGG in my status. Personal preference. But I will say that I had some lovely gifts. Perhaps the most appreciated gift was a Snow White DVD.
"I didn't even know it was out of the Disney Vault!! This is amazing!"
That, along with my Muppet pjs.

First stop after unwrapping presents was my brother's house. By the time we got there, Lauren had already attempted to ride her new bike naked and had eaten an entire Terry's Chocolate Orange for breakfast. Ellis had retreated into the other room to play Disney Infinity.

The sight of us coming down the path with a bag of presents was almost too much for my little niece to bear and she had my present out of my hands and was ripping off the paper before I even made it into the living room. It was a dress like the one she saw Eden Wood wearing (a £30 homemade version of what Ebay wanted $500 for). For a moment she just stared at it and I worried that I had totally misjudged her and that the two days I'd spent with my fingers super-glued together were for nothing. But then came the words every gift-giver longs to hear:
"Oh my gosh! I wuv it!"
Ellis was equally impressed with the now notorious Wreck-it-Ralph (my battle with Christmas consumerism is in this post) and his face lit up when he unwrapped the Furby, which was mumbling away to itself and still complaining about being hungry as he took it out of the box.

This Christmas my parents and I went to a restaurant for Christmas dinner with some family friends. It was a nice change, but it was nothing on my brother's home cooked Christmas dinner with honey-glazed ham and endless pigs in blankets. I felt sort of bad as I ate my potatoes and stuffing, secretly thinking about the way my brother cooks them, as if I was having some kind of sordid love affair with the turkey or something.

But, generally speaking, our Christmas day was quiet and relaxed. Lauren was not sick on me this year, which I consider to be a bonus, and as the day came to an end we sat in our lovely new room and watched Paranormal Witness because, even on Christmas Day, there is never anything good on TV.

"goblin juice"

But the next day was Boxing Day and that was full of life to say the least. My brother and sister-in-law came for lunch with the children. Lunch and wine. And then wine turned into Black Russians. And then my Dad opened the bottle of mead I bought him from the Christmas market in Exeter. A glass for me, a glass for my brother, and a glass for my father. How very exciting! Except that the mead tasted foul.
"Let's mix it with some Jack Daniels." Suggested my father and, for some reason, we agreed.
In reality the Jack Daniels just brought out the burning sensation in the mead and added an aftertaste. It was the worst thing I have ever tasted, but waste it not allowed in the Wellington household so we all just had to deal with it. And so the 3 of us sat around the table pulling the most extraordinary faces as we tried to get through or glasses of 'goblin juice'.

"it's almost as though my
parents think I'm some
sort of alcoholic"

On the plus side, I did have a special bottle of Jack Daniels for Christmas (I refused to mix that bottle with the mead), which was quite possibly the nicest thing I've ever drunk. Between that, the Jack Daniels glass and the Jack Daniels hip-flask, it's almost of though my parents think I'm some sort of alcoholic. But who else's Christmas presents could include those alongside The Little Mermaid DVD, a pink desk hoover, and a Boo the cutest dog mug?

Ellis exclaimed that this was the best Christmas ever because he'd had turkey two days in a row (some people are very easily pleased) and Lauren ate half a jar of raw beetroot. Then we had the Frozen soundtrack on repeat for about 2 hours (I fear I will never stop singing those songs now) and made very merry indeed.

It was in fact the best Christmas we have had in a long time. And, as promised, as a special Christmas gift, here's a little sneak peak. Next year I plan on tackling my technophobia so I thought I'd make a start by putting together a little video to share. Don't judge too harshly. I'm so far removed from being a computer whiz that I should be using a quill right now. But here it is!

And because this was doomed to fail from the start, here's a link, because the Beacon has assured me my attempt to embed the video was a total failure...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WBNhrGpn9Ig

My Christmas Countdown

Well, somehow it's Christmas Eve which is slightly concerning because it feels like only yesterday I was putting up my advent calendar. But the presents are wrapped, the cookies have been baked and the Muppet's Christmas Carol has been watched so I guess there's no denying that it really is Christmas. So I thought I'd mix things up and give you a rundown of my '12 days of Christmas' as a kind of overview of how the festive season has gone so far.

12 Beacon Inquiries...
You really don't realise what a small town Port Talbot is until you come home and everyone knows your business. I seem to have become at least 70% more interesting since my last visit home and the question on everyone's lips is "When's he coming?" And they don't mean Santa!
I was a little surprised when I ran into my cousin a few days ago and she informed me that the entire family had watched a video of the Beacon on Youtube ("Beacon, I'd like to introduce you to my creepy, stalker family"). I was downright confounded when a women I didn't even know tapped me on the shoulder and asked when my 'young man' was flying in from Germany. I suppose in a place where nothing has changed in the last 30 years except the names of the bargain shops, an American pilot from Germany is going to cause a stir. And some doubt apparently.
"I mean, is he even a real person?" Asked my friend, Chris.
Yes! Yes, he really is!

11 Shots of Whiskey...

This year, my best friend, Hayleigh, happened to have her birthday on Black Friday. For those of you who, like the Beacon, have never heard of it, Black Friday is the Friday before Christmas and the basic idea is that people start drinking at 12pm, drink until they can't walk, continue drinking until they can't see, and stumble home the next day somehow or other with little or no dignity. I had no intention of being a part of the madness.
Unfortunately, after a few drinks at Hayleigh's house, my friends decided it was time to head out. Not just out, but into Port Talbot town, which is a great place for a night out...when you're 17. Wetherspoons had to shut midway through the night due to an emergency. No one had a clue what the emergency actually was (although rumours ranged from a cat fight in the toilets to a tragic death) and, try as I might to convince staff that I was a member of the Exeter press and needed the details, no one would tell me anything. The night did not pick up when a 39 year old DJ with a very questionable haircut told me I was 'too old' after I requested a Britney Spears song, and when I found the birthday girl vomiting into a gutter I was ready to call it a night.

10 Yards of Ribbon...
I love wrapping presents. I make my own gift tags, glue on pom-poms and bells, cover everything in glitter, and have perfected the art of ribbon-tying. So my mother kindly left all her wrapping for me to do when I got home from Germany (it has nothing to do with the fact that she hates wrapping and can't do corners properly, I'm sure). Trying to squeeze all that wrapping into a few days was a festive challenge. Perhaps the most stressful part was wrapping my nephews Furby, which my mother insisted had to be wrapped with the batteries already inside. Trying to tie a bow around something that keeps moving around and complaining that it's hungry is not an easy task.

9 Hours of Gluing...
For Christmas my niece wanted a dress like the kind her newest idol, Eden Wood, wears. Naturally, those dresses start at about £200 and the one she had her eye on was going for more like £500. My budget was £30. But, being Super Auntie, I was determined to make it work. I ordered in a cheap dress in the right shape from China and several hundred rhinestones. And so I've spent the last few days peeling super-glue off my fingers and trying to make a replica of the infamous Eden Wood dress. Next year I'm just getting her a Barbie.




8 Dodgy Cookies...
After the carnage that was my attempt to make gingerbread cookies with my niece and nephew last year, we played it safe this Christmas and bought a pack of precooked biscuits with icing and sprinkles to decorate them with. Ellis took the whole thing very seriously. Lauren, on the other hand, covered each of the cookies generously in icing and then licked them clean, one by one. Needless to say, those ones did not make it onto the Christmas tree.

7 Stolen Crackers...
When the children had finished decorating/ destroying the Christmas cookies, they turned their attention to the crackers on the tree. Long story short, we have one Christmas cracker left. And a draw full of tiny sewing kits and keyrings.

6 Secret Santas...

Ok, so this is going back a bit, but before I left Exeter we had a house Secret Santa. In reality it wasn't a secret because Kirsty and Sophie spent weeks figuring out who everyone had. At one point algebra was involved (see, they said it would be useful one day). When I found out that Kirsty was my Secret Santa (long before the present-swapping took place, of course), I was thrilled. I knew I'd be in for a treat because that girl is a talented shopper. And I was not disappointed when I unwrapped my Minnie Mouse slippers, fairy lights, and pink, sparkly hip-flask. Apparently the latter is exactly what I would be if I were an inanimate object. Girlie, over the top, and full of whiskey.


5 Days of Drilling...
As we all know, the best time to do any major remodeling of the house is just before Christmas. That way everyone can enjoy the immense stress, struggle to do DIY during the dark nights that start at 4pm, and postpone putting up any kind of Christmas decorations because a tree is hardly appropriate in a room that has no flooring. Luckily, by the time I got home, the majority of the building work was over and I was able to come home to a beautiful new living room. However, it was slightly inconvenient that for 2 days the only furniture we had was a Christmas tree. But at least it was festive.

4 Quirky Decorations...
While we're on the topic of the Christmas tree, I want to show off the decorations I bought while I was travelling during the summer. Our tree has always been a place for memories and it's full of decorations from all over. Some are particularly ugly. For example, my mother forced me to hang the one I bought in Poland at the back of the tree. But each year she is forced to endure the Christmas decoration she hates above all others. The slightly creepy angel I made for the top of the tree when I was little. I think it's a beautiful tradition. Mam thinks it's some kind of Christmas curse.

"Christmas curse"

3 Thousand Words...
This is basically the point in the blog post where I complain about the fact that I have a 3000 word essay due in January...and an exam. Way to be Scrooges, University of Exeter administrative staff.

2 Crazy Children...
Earlier this evening we called into my brother's house, aka Bedlam. Lauren has turned all of the Christmas trees in the miniature Christmas display upside down. Perhaps it was meant to be some form of protest? I am just grateful that we've made it passed the years when they were babies and there was a threat that they would pee under the Christmas tree...which, unfortunately, did happen one year. Now we just have to keep our fingers crossed that we won't have a repeat of last Christmas Day, when Lauren projectile vomited all over me and the majority of her new toys. Barbie has never been the same.

And a festive photo of me...

Merry Christmas everyone!

The Beacon and the Ball

Guten tag everyone! I would say my mini break in Germany this week has taught me some language skills, but that would be a lie because I stayed in a town that (Wikipedia has led me to believe) has the largest American population outside of the USA. I guess in some ways it was a cultural experience. I learned that Americans don't use duvets (despite the fact that, in my opinion, a bed is simply not a bed without one), picked up a new song called 'Red Solo Cup', which has been stuck in my head for 2 days and is slowly driving me mad, and came to conclusion that eating mac and cheese imported from the US is likely to cut about 5 years off your life expectancy.

"2 delayed flights"

I left Exeter on Friday 13th. My day started at 4:45am after 3 hours sleep, and I was dragging half my body weight in luggage through the city before the sun was up. At one point I was so tired and disorientated that I saw my shadow and literally screamed. Travelling on such an unlucky day, I wasn't surprised when I lost my train ticket and had to buy another one. I was slightly more surprised and considerably annoyed when I realised the man had charged me for 2 tickets. Come on! It isn't as if ticket inspectors work on commission!

After hauling all my bags out of the train station at Bristol (and then back in again to get to the ATM), I held up the shuttle bus by not being able to get my ridiculous case into the luggage rack. At first I was judging every man on the bus for their lack of chivalry, but then I remembered I looked like some kind of half-dead hag and so I couldn't really blame them. After 2 delayed flights and an unpleasant business at the Mac counter in Amsterdam, when the sales assistant kept me waiting for 30 minutes to buy concealer when there was no queue (and she, unlike the ticket inspector, was working on commission, so judge that logic of that for yourselves), I finally got to Frankfurt. By the time I got to Kaiserslautern my impatience with the entire world burned in my eyes and showed through my freshly applied 3 inches of make-up ("Yes, Beacon, I am just naturally this fabulous").

This is just the Beacon, being 'an enigma'

That evening I was thrown in at the deep end, meeting a room full of the Beacon's friends, all of whom enjoyed the novelty of my accent, but could barely understand what I was saying. It took me a while to get over the initial feeling of being in an American sitcom (surely that accent is always followed by canned laughter?), but everyone was lovely and I had a fantastic time. We played some kind of high-tech version of charades on the Ipad called 'Heads Up', which was hilarious. I highly recommend it. Then the Beacon tried to get me to take part in Just Dance on the Wii, which I declined for the health and safety of everyone in the vicinity.

The next evening was the night of the ball. In reality, it wasn't a ball. It was a Christmas party. I just insisted on referring to it as a ball so I could feel like Cinderella. I had sparkly princess shoes and everything! Although I don't recall Cinderella ever sitting on the sink in the bathroom, cursing under her breath at the mangled state of her feet.

Despite the fact that there were no Cliff Richard songs or Christmas crackers, it was so beautiful and festive. And everyone was so nice! I don't think that British people are particularly rude, but we do tend to have that 'British reserve'. We're a bit socially awkward, like Hugh Grant. Walking into a room full of Americans was like nothing I've ever experienced in the UK. Everyone was so keen to introduce themselves. I learned the names of more people in that party than I have people I've had classes with over the last 3 years in uni. Cue me drunkenly insisting 5 hours later that "Americans are just the nicest people in the whole world". Another couple of parties like that one and I may well be talking about how America is a beacon of hope for the rest of the world.

After the party, more or less everyone headed to a club in town and I could no longer escape inevitable humiliation. I cannot dance. Everyone I tell that to seems to think I'm either modest or crazy because 'everyone can dance'. Then they see my attempt at it and realise how wrong they were. Grinding being the preferred dance move of the Americans, the situation was more complicated than usual because I had to keep in time with the Beacon, who seemed genuinely stunned at how little rhythm I had. 3 different people attempted to teach me how to do it, but I simply could not get my hips to move the way they were meant to and, as always when I dance, my fingers started jabbing the air in wild motions without me having any control over them.

The next day was spent in large part recovering from the tequila shots and me fighting with the blankets (a problem that easily could have been solved by a duvet. I'm just saying). And in the evening things got all Christmassy. The Beacon and I went out to get logs for the fire and we watched Love Actually. I wore a tiny Santa hat with bells on, much to the Beacon's obvious distaste. What a Scrooge!

"the new love of my life"

And on my last night we went into town to explore a real German Christmas market, where I discovered the new love of my life. Crepes with melted white chocolate. Where have you been all my life? Needless to say, by the time I was done eating it there was white chocolate everywhere. It was carnage. But it was great. I washed it down with a mug of Gluhwein, which I suppose is similar to mulled wine. Whatever. It was warm and alcoholic.

The trip home on Tuesday took about 16 hours from start to finish. By then a large part of the festive cheer I'd acquired had worn off and I had morphed back into half-dead hag. But I had such an amazing time. It's always lovely to spend time with the Beacon. I especially appreciate being able to poke him, mess up his hair, and generally annoy him in all the ways our Facetime conversations don't allow. But this was an extra special trip because I got to be Cinderella...and stuff my face with crepes.

My Mini Meltdown...in the Most Festive Way Possible

Jingle All the Way, staring Arnold Schwarzenegger, is one of my all time favourite Christmas films, even in spite of its being mostly ridiculous...and staring Arnold Schwarzenegger. In the film his son wants a Turboman doll for Christmas. It's the main event, top of the list, the most important gift of all. But our dear old Arnie has left it until the last minute to buy it and the film is all about his crazy antics as he scrambles around the entire city on Christmas Eve, searching for a toy that sold out months ago. It isn't your typical Santa story, but I've always found it funny.

"I became the Arnold Schwarzenegger character..."

That was, until I became the Arnold Schwarzenegger character. (At 5ft.4. And a girl.)

My Turboman doll was the new Wreck it Ralph Disney Infinity character. Disney Infinity (like Skylanders, which was last year's must-have obsession) is a video game with an endless amount of characters, all of which have to be bought separately. You are never done buying them! There will always be more!
Any character my nephew didn't already have went straight onto the list for Santa and right at the top was (my now enemy) Wreck it Ralph. Eager to be the best-loved family member, I convinced my brother that Santa could stand let me get this one. I wanted top auntie points.

So it went on my shopping list. And stayed on my shopping list. Deadlines came and went, our trip to Bluestone came and went, and still I hadn't started my Christmas shopping.

"Don't leave that Wreck it Ralph thing any later. You might not be able to get it." Words of wisdom from my mother.

Panic set in quickly when the first shop was out of stock.

"Can I help you find anything?" Asked the man working in Game.
"I NEED Wreck it Ralph!" I half screeched, eyes wide, a Vanellope figure in one hand and Mickey Mouse in the other. (I tend towards the melodramatic at times.)

No Wreck it Ralph in Game, no Wreck it Ralph in Argos, no Wreck it Ralph in Tesco, no Wreck it Ralph in Toys r Us. I checked online. The nearest one was 124 miles away. I was beginning to feel a whole new level of sympathy for Arnie. Poor guy didn't even have the internet to help him out. Thankfully I did and managed to order the make it or break it, must-have toy online...for three times more than the normal retail price.

"I wanted top auntie points."

And even now, with Wreck-my-bank-account-Ralph dispatched and certain to arrive in time, I can't seem to shake the holiday stress. People have no festive cheer. They just elbow you out of the way in the overcrowded streets. I almost lost a limb in the Christmas market the other day. I actually had to queue to get into the Card Factory today just to buy wrapping paper for the Beacon's present. And Kirsty thought I was on the verge of some sort of breakdown when I couldn't find any red ribbon in Wilkinson. But they had pink! And turquoise! Even black! In whose world are those festive colours? (No, I am still not over it.)

So it seems that this is a grown up Christmas. Overpriced, crowded, stressful, and with nothing but black bows to wrap your presents in. But, then again, as freaked out as I may get by the queues and the price tags, I'm still a great lover of Christmas. And I will never forget the true meaning of it.

Baileys. Baileys is the true meaning.

Christmas Must-Haves and Lust-Haves. My First Haul!

So the monthly haul idea I talked about after the blogger meet up (which was all the way back in October I believe) obviously never happened. I'm much more comfortable ranting and raving about my personal experiences, but I do really love trying out products (as the size of my make-up case suggests) and for once I think we'll have a bit of a girlie post. And, seeing as Christmas is looming, this is a great time to recommend a few bits and pieces you might want to pick up as presents for others...or for yourself. 'Tis the season to be glamorous after all and you can never have too many lipglosses...


The Stocking Fillers
Perfect little gifts with tiny price tags and must-have products for the party season.

Santa's Lip Scrub
£5.50 - Lush

So, as everyone knows, it isn't really Christmas until you see the Coca Cola advert on tv. So this cola flavoured lip scrub must be what Christmas tastes like. I'll be honest, after the Beacon kissed me, screwed up his face and told me I tasted 'sour', it got demoted to the bottom of the make up box. But now that the cold weather has settled in, this stuff has become a staple. I follow it up with a lip balm (Lush do one in a matching flavour) and chapped lips are kept at bay.

Lee Stafford Blow Dry Wonder Spray
£6.19 - Boots

I think my favourite thing about this is that I found it in a Poundland when I was home over the summer. But it's definitely worth the £6.19 Boots are asking for it. My hair is so long and thick it's like trying to sort out Cousin It's hair in the morning. This really does reduce the time I spend blow-drying my hair and, as a result, gives me more time in bed. Win!

Umberto Giannini Curl Friends Hold Me Hairspray
£4.99 - Boots

Heated rollers, curling irons, velcro rollers...I'm in as long as it makes my hair look halfway decent. And I recommend this hairspray for curls because it doesn't have that awful smell that sticks in the back of your throat and doesn't give your hair that stiff, plastic look that makes people think you'll spontaneously combust if they light a match within 10 yards of you.

Toothy Tabs
£2.50 - Lush

I'll be the first to admit that this is a strange concept. It's basically toothpaste in a tablet. I tried 'Sparkle' which is vanilla flavoured. It was an odd feeling when I finished brushing my teeth and my mouth didn't taste like mint, but my teeth definitely felt squeaky clean. They're quirky. I think they'd be a great idea for anyone who does a lot of travelling or festival-going because they're a lot less hassle than regular toothpaste when it comes to packing.


The Glamour Gifts
Maybe just a little something oh-so glamorous and a bit more pricey for a sister or a friend...or just go and buy them all for yourself like I did.

They're Real Mascara
£19.50 - Benefit

You must have seen this on your travels. It's the UK's No.1 best selling mascara and it is FABULOUS! When I lost mine on the way to Cologne and had to pick up a cheap substitute (which, by the way, made my eyes burn), the Beacon asked, "Why would you spend £20 on mascara?" as if I was deranged. Deranged I may well be, but I can tell you right now that this mascara is the business. It gives me full, thick lashes and it's 100% waterproof. I can cry to my heart's content after one too many drinks and can trust that my mascara will stay in tact even when my dignity is slowly falling apart.
And, one last note on this, Benefit are doing a lot of Christmas gift sets that include They're Real and an array of their other luxurious products. If you want to make a girl's day, leave one of those under the tree.

Golden Gloss Lipgloss
£22 - YSL

Christmas is the one time of year when my obsession with glitter and sparkles is totally acceptable and I can leave the house looking like a fairy threw up all over me. So I was naturally drawn to this lipgloss, which has 24 carat gold in it. The colour range is pretty impressive and this is a must-have gloss for anyone who loves to sparkle.

desiRED Professional Straighteners
£79.99 - Nicky Clarke

I've been a GHD whore for as long as I can remember, but I got these for my mother for Christmas last year and they genuinely put my long-loved GHDs to shame. They do everything you need your straighteners to do (mainly, I would assume, straighten) and if you're looking to get straighteners for someone this Christmas, these are the ones I would opt for.


The Lust List
This is my own personal fantasy Christmas list. I've never personally tried any of these, but if I ever bump into Santa and he asks me what I want, this is what I'd tell him.

Sigma Complete Kit - Chrome
$379 - Sigma

For all my many, many make-up needs. Brought to my attention by my girl crush and favourite Youtuber, Jaclyn Hill, I just want all the Sigma brushes. All of them.

Naked Palette
£37 - Urban Decay

If I had a penny for every time someone recommended this eyeshadow palette to me, I'd probably have enough money to actually buy it by now. It's beautiful.


The Ultimate Lust
£625 - Christian Louboutin

"Men I may not know but shoes, shoes I know." - Carrie Brashaw. Sex and the City.

So there is now officially no excuse not to look fabulous this Christmas. This coming from a girl currently lounging in Kirsty's bed with messy hair and no make up on.

I Become an Elf...Naturally

When I returned to Exeter last Sunday I left my laptop at home. And as if that wasn't bad enough, I missed my train. Then I got off at the wrong station. All in all it was not a good day for me. But now I am finally back online and all set to tell you about our little trip to Bluestone.

"...cute and cozy lodges..."

Bluestone is a 'national park resort' in West Wales, complete with cute and cozy lodges, tiny animals scuttling around, and plenty of grass and trees. This is the second year my mother and I have taken my niece and nephew there for Kingdom of the Elves, which, as is pretty obvious, is a Christmas event. We all fell in love with the place last year. My mother enjoyed the views, the children loved the play areas, and I had my picture taken with Cinderella. We simply had to go back again this year.

Getting there, unloading the car, resolving all disputes regarding who was sleeping where, and getting everyone dressed and ready for the Kingdom of the Elves went as smoothly as we could have hoped. We had an adapted lodge because Ellis is in a wheelchair and within five minutes of us being there Lauren pulled one of the emergency cords and there were alarms and flashing lights everywhere. That was somewhat stressful. Then there was the fact that she insisted on re-packing her suitcase and dragging it along behind her everywhere she went because she didn't know what she'd need when she met the elves. I'm not entirely sure if she understood the concept of Kingdom of the Elves. I don't think she even understood what elves were.

Either way she didn't look particularly impressed when she came face to face with one. The Kingdom of the Elves is a lovely experience. This year we went through lots of different rooms and the children took part in activities, collecting badges so they could become 'elite elves'. It's such a cute idea and so well carried out. I really can't recommend it highly enough.

"I had to take one for the team."

Unfortunately I was there with Scrooge and Marley. Ellis was unimpressed with the whole situation from the outset, what with him being 'too old' for such festive frivolities and Lauren was just plain terrified. So when the elf gatekeeper asked all the children to don their elf gowns and make their cheeks rosy red, neither of them would so much as look her in the eye. I had to take one to the team and get involved in the face painting instead. I wasn't secretly loving it at all.

We made our way through Elf Kingdom. The children helped with the present wrapping, rode in Santa's sleigh, and made a magic potion among other things. But Lauren spent most of the time hiding behind my legs and Ellis gave up on the whole thing and left half way through. He really wasn't a fan of the snow machine and that seemed to be the last straw. But, right at the end, Lauren finally got into the swing of things. She was dancing with the elves, and actually smiling.

"As much as he looked like the genuine
article he was a bit eccentric."

That said, even after making that progress she was still too unnerved to have her picture taken with Santa during story time. I'm not sure I blame her. As much as he looked like the genuine article he was a bit eccentric. And his story wasn't exactly a Christmas classic. Native Americans and orphans were involved. I'm not entirely sure I kept up with the plot, assuming there was one.

Family time back at the lodge was so sweet when the children weren't trying to scratch out each others eyes to get possession of the Kindle Fire. Lauren continued to keep her suitcase nearby just in case of some kind of elf-related emergency, which made it somewhat difficult to get her to bed in the nights. But, when everyone was settled down watching Wreck it Ralph (because Ellis decided it would just have been madness to watch a Christmas movie during our Christmas holiday) it was so nice to cwtch up with my favourite little people and pretend we were a nice, normal family. And then Lauren wet the bed. And then the other bed. And suddenly we were back in the madhouse.

"Puppets aren't scary..."

"...a tray full of goodies..."

One evening we went to A Puppet's Christmas Carol. Initially Ellis was concerned it would be like The Muppet Christmas Carol, but as I pointed out, 1. The Muppet Christmas Carol is the best Christmas film. And 2. Puppets aren't scary so everyone needs to chill out. Thankfully there were no literal puppets involved so everyone thoroughly enjoyed and there were no puppet related nightmares that night. This show may have been my personal highlight. With a complementary glass of mulled wine in hand, a tray full of goodies to pick at, and a bar that served Penderyn Whisky ("the kids woke up at 5am this morning. Make mine a double"), it was nice to sit and watch Lauren dancing with the 'toys' and Ellis cautiously watching, always seemingly concerned puppets would spring up at some point.

All in all it was a lovely little holiday. The children thoroughly enjoyed the lack of bedtimes, chocolate goodies and the sight of me in a stupid Santa hat. My mother and I enjoyed our glasses of wine when said children were asleep. And I can honestly say that in the midst of the Bluestone festivities, I found the Christmas spirit. And for once it wasn't vodka.