My Biggest Challenge: Week 1

Let's clarify something. I can't run. At all.

At this point people tend to think I'm being modest and will attempt to say comforting things like, "Everyone can run if they really try", "I'm sure you aren't that bad", or, worst of all, "Oh, me neither". I don't even want to think about the number of times someone has forced me to don a pair of trainers and head outside for a jog because 'they can't run either'. The result is always the same. They prove that, in reality, they can run, while I stagger behind, wishing I could catch up with them...so I could strangle them for making me go running.

I can't pinpoint exactly what it is that makes me entirely incapable of putting one foot in front of the other. My Dad ran marathons back in the day so a few years back I asked him to survey my technique. After a few disastrous sessions he said he'd never seen anything like it, it defied all logic, and that there was nothing he could do for me. My extreme lack of co-ordination and balance have something to do with it, I'm sure, but my failure seems to run deeper than that. Even as a small child I refused to play tag. I simply could not do it.

So, because life isn't difficult enough with my dissertation still buzzing around my head like a swarm of gnats and an essay due next week I've lost all my notes for, I've signed myself up for a sponsored run. Because apparently deep down I must be some kind of masochist. But what's the point in asking people to sponsor me for something easy or that I enjoy like fancy dress, a bake sale, or a cocktail drinking marathon (although you can add that last one to my list of things to do this summer)?

The 5k (yes, 5 whole k) is in June and I thought I'd share my progress in a weekly update of all the horrors of training. Because what's the point in inflicting misery and humiliation on myself if no one else can enjoy it?

Week 1

Day 1

I downloaded a running app to help me out. What I really need is some kind of magical genie, but this will have to do. It's called 5k Runner and it's supposed to get you 5k ready in just 8 weeks. It's a really useful app and if you're looking to take up running and have no will power or clue where to start, I highly recommend it. Even I can keep up with it, although I have to make allowances for the time I spend tripping over my own feet.

Letting go of the treadmill was my first big challenge. People really downplay how traumatising it can be to use one of those machines. My feet rarely do what they're supposed under normal circumstances so when the ground started moving I was convinced I was going to end up with an injury.

Day 3

I fell off the treadmill.

I was jogging, concentrating on the weird way my arms were moving and trying not to look down at my feet (watching the treadmill move makes me nauseous. I know, I am a model athlete) and then everything went wrong. My arm must have gotten tangled in the wire of my earphones so my phone flew across the gym. I turned around in shock, my feet forgot to move and the treadmill kept going. I ended up twisted in a weird angle, unable to understand what was happening, one foot on the treadmill, one foot off, incapable of making it stop. The guy directly behind me was totally judging me.

Day 6

I did not fall and managed to do the whole workout without stopping for fear of falling, which is a first. Hopefully no one else at the gym has picked up on the fact that my maximum running time is still only a minute (the app is building me up, run a little, walk a little), but the grey-haired lady on the treadmill next to mine almost definitely noticed that she was running significantly faster than me.


So week one is over, my legs hurt, I have some bruises and the gym instructor definitely thinks I'm weird. But I've raised £70 for a really good cause and the physical suffering of running makes a nice change from the mental suffering associated with writing my dissertation.

And now I am going to shamelessly promote my justgiving page where you can keep up to date with my fundraising...or, you know, donate to a good cause.

My Fundraising Page!!

I'm raising money for Action Duchenne, which is a very important charity to me.

Wish me luck in the upcoming week. I don't want to fall again...

There's No Place Like Home

It's been a while since I last wrote a post. I've been slowly sinking in a pool of despair and MLA referencing, but I'm officially half-way through my dissertation and the end is finally in sight. I'd planned out the entire month of April to ensure I had half a hope of retaining what was left of my sanity. The plan was to spend the first two weeks at my desk until I had at least a solid first draft, to go back home to Wales the next week and force everyone to proof read it, and then spend the last week sleeping soundly, minus the looming prospect of antebellum-themed nightmares.

I made it to the 3rd of April before I abandoned that plan entirely and booked a train ticket home.

I decided to be very sneaky about the whole thing and surprise my loving parents by turning up on their doorstep two weeks early. So, last Saturday, after five hours of public transport and a taxi ride, I burst through the front door, ready to spread joy.

"Surprise! Your favourite child is home!"

My father, who had been napping on the sofa, looked like he was caught somewhere between thrilled and terrified. My mother appeared at the top of the stairs a few seconds later and merely said,

"Shh! Your brother's sleeping."

Clearly the favourite child had been there all along and was currently sleeping off his night shift in my bed.

As much as I wanted to collapse on the sofa, enjoying the novelty of warmth and cleanliness (student houses are grim to say the least), it was my cousin's 18th birthday party that night. I had just enough time to stick some rollers in and don some fabulous shoes.

Family gatherings are always eventful, but they are downright dangerous when Dave the Laugh, my older cousin's boyfriend, is there. He lurks around the house, waiting for the opportune moment to swoop in and top up your drink, which sounds great, but, in reality, borders on deadly. On this particular night it led me to declare,

"I'm going to town!"

I do NOT look like the older cousin...

Yes, I was going to crash my little cousin's first night out. And in Station Road of all places. I have plenty of good memories of Station Road. But I was 16 then. And fishbowls were on sale.

Totally unprepared for a night out and two and a half bottles of wine worse off when I thought I'd only gone through one, I had to borrow a handbag. And a phone. And money. But off I went with my cousin and her friends, totally oblivious to the fact that I had somehow become the uncool, old person.

Thankfully, I wasn't the only uncool, old person in Station Road that night. Hayleigh was there with some of our friends. I wish I could describe the level of gleeful screeching that occurred when we spotted each other at the bar. I imagine it's the kind of noise you'd expect to hear if dolphins were reunited after 20 years apart. Dolphins on crack. And perhaps even more shrill than that.

It wasn't long before my cousin had ditched me (I swear, I used to be cool!) and Hayleigh and I ended up in a bizarre after-party in a nearby hotel. It wasn't so much a party as a random collection of people arguing over which drinking game to play while I insisted on slurring through stories about last year's adventures in Europe. All I know is, a Scottish man was wrapped in a blanket and there was an excessive amount of gin.

And, in a nutshell, that's the story of how, on my first night back in Wales, I turned up on my parents' doorstep at 4am and came to spend the entire following day curled up in a ball, cursing Dave the Laugh.


But, before I go back to my cave of despair and dissertation-writing, I'm going to do a little shameless self-promotion. I've set up a Youtube channel (yes, in spite of my technophobia) dedicated to me talking about beauty products, and generally making a fool of myself in front of the camera. So here's my latest video if you want to take a peek.

And, because I have such little faith in my ability to actually use the computer, I'll post the link to the channel...just in case.

Youtube Channel