Clean 9 Part 1: I Lose 9lbs in 2 Days and Retain my Sanity!

I am 22 years old. I should not have to spend my summer days cooped up in my room listening to Dolly Parton and doing arts and crafts. But the pollen count is at a menacing level at the moment. My entire head, inside and out, is alternating between  burning and itching, my eyes are producing a less than glamorous sticky goo, my nose no longer functions as a means of breathing and I have no choice but to cower away in a stuffy cave of self-pity, hiding from all plant life like it's the Day of the Triffids.

I've tried everything I can get my hands on (prescription, non-prescription and downright weird) with no avail. Nothing even takes the edge off. Seriously, my entire face is swollen. So I've decided to take my mother's advice and try out products by a company she swears by called Forever. They have a vast array of products, all totally natural and all with great reviews and renowned for combating a variety of ailments. I'm no expert on aloe vera, but we'll see how it goes.

Anyway, the long and short of it is that I have signed up for a nine day Forever cleansing programme called the Clean 9. Again, I'm no expert, but luckily I know an expert, Christine, and I had an in depth conversation with her today. She told me the products had significantly helped rid both her and her husband of their allergies. I became instantly interested. Then she told me that weight loss could be a side effect of the cleanse. At this point I all but threw my money at her. Usually I'm not one to jump on any kind of bizarre supplement-type band-wagon, but everything Christine said made good sense to me and after three years of uni life, living on raw cookie dough and cheap wine, I could do with a good cleanse. So I've got a kit with aloe gel, a shake mix, garcinia tablets and bee pollen tablets. For the first two days all food is off limits and after that I can have a 600 calorie meal each day. 

So I thought you guys may as well join me on my Clean 9 journey for the next nine days. I hope the image I have of myself when it's over, half a stone lighter and dancing in a meadow of wild flowers with a fully-functioning respiratory system, isn't too optimistic...

Day 1

10:05 am: Ok, first I must share this amazing news. Even though my detox didn't officially start until today, I started taking the Bee Pollen tablets on Thursday with the hope they could take the edge off my hayfever. In five days I went from swollen-eyed hermit surrounded by piles of used tissues to an actual fully-functioning human being, sitting outside in a field with trees, laughing and enjoying life without so much as a sniffle. Seriously, this is like some kind of voodoo or something. I haven't had to sleep with a flannel on my face and I can actually wear mascara again! So bring on the Clean 9 because I am very optimistic.

11:17am: Ok, I'm getting hungry now. I could do with some toast. Or an entire birthday cake.

1:49pm: Amazingly, I'm not as hungry as I thought I'd be by now. I just made my first shake and it's really yummy. Granted it's got a lot of lumps. Maybe I didn't mix it properly...

6:20pm: I've definitely felt better. I'm hungry and all optimism has been replaced by grumpiness. I would really like to eat something. Anything.

6:53pm: Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh! Longest evening ever!

Day 2

11:43am: I had to get up three times during the night to pee. If that wasn't bad enough I kept having nightmares about food. Needless to say, I don't feel particularly well-rested. Also, I have a bit of a headache and time is going by reeaally sloooowly. 

11:47am: A plate of English muffins would go down really well right now.

1:00pm: Ok, so you're meant to do twenty minutes of exercise a day during the Clean 9. I cheated yesterday and didn't do any because I was pouting, but I did ten minutes this morning. I'm not a super fit person, but I go to the gym regularly and I know what I'm capable of. So I could see a difference when, after six minutes, I had to lie on the floor all light-headed, mourning the lack of carbs in my life.

2:54pm: My shake isn't really hitting the spot today. Weirdly it's too sweet for me, which is pretty unbelievable seeing as my idea of heaven is a chocolate chip cookie dipped in raw cookie dough. Christine said my tastes might change while doing this. It would be amazing if this was the end of my chocolate addiction because my sweet tooth has definitely had an effect on the size on my bum.

7:48pm: My dad doesn't understand that I literally cannot eat anything. Last night he was offering me biscuits and tonight he keeps asking, "Are you sure you don't want me to make you a bacon sandwich?" I think it's fair to say I'm swinging between high points and low points. One minute I'm full of optimism, feeling proud and strong and the next I want to cry over a sizzling frying pan. But I get to eat tomorrow!

Day 3

9:18am: I've lost 9lbs! 9lbs in two days! I can squeeze my butt into a pair of shorts I couldn't even get past my hips last week. I didn't think I'd lose that much in nine days, let alone two! And, even more exciting, I can eat tonight. 

"I'm even too drained to be enthusiastic
about the shoe department."

2:12pm: It should be a criminal offence for my mother to drag me around clothes shops in this state. My lunchtime shake was due an hour ago and I am getting hungrier and grumpier every moment. I don't think she understands that, after almost three days of no food, I'm not up to trudging around or using the last of my energy to feign excitement over clothes that look like they belong in a closet in the Von Trapp family home! I'm even too drained and miserable to be enthusiastic about the shoe department. Woe truly is me!

6:05pm: So I never actually got around to that lunchtime shake because I only just got in, but after an extremely miserable half an hour, hunger and bitchiness subsided. Hurrah! The only issue I had was that my eyes started to go all gooey and itchy because I didn't have my bee pollen tablets with me and the pollen count is high. This is proof to me that those tablets are well and truly amazing and that I need to carry them with me always in future.

6:25pm: I just finished my first meal in three days. It was kind of...overrated. I expected it to be the most amazing moment of my life (some choose their wedding day, the birth of their child etc, but these people have probably never gone this long without food), but it wasn't that big of a deal when it came down to it. I started to get full up quite quickly (which is a first) and my jaw started to ache from the pure effort of chewing. I don't think I miss food so much as the freedom to stuff anything in my face whenever I want.

Day 4

12:18pm: I feel great! It reminds me of that buzz I used to get after eating blue Smarties. You know, before they took out all the colourings and made them taste like soil. I'm not even thinking about food this morning. What a wonderful day! (Even though I'm in Port Talbot. And it's raining.)

6:27pm: I have felt amazing all day! I've been full of energy and positivity (true it wavered slightly when a rude old man annoyed me in Tesco car park, but generally I've been in a great mood). And changing to two shakes a day has definitely made a difference. I haven't even felt hungry and I could take or leave my evening meal tonight. I didn't even need to be restrained from stealing the chicken dippers off Lauren's plate and that is a monumental milestone.


So I'm halfway through my nine days and it's been tough. But all at once I'm starting to see some amazing results. I mean, can we just circle back to the part where I lost 9lbs in two days? I didn't lose that much in two months  when I was dieting over the Spring. And then my energy levels are up, I'm feeling great and I no longer feel the need to scour the biscuit cupboard every half an hour.

I'm excited to see how the second half goes. I'll keep you all updated.

And if any of you fancy taking on the Clean 9 challenge then you can order your here:
Forever Product Shop
And make sure you tell me how it goes!

I am, slowly but surely, trying my best to become a Forever expert and I'm totally won over by the company. Now I'm going to be rambling on about it to every I see...