How to Survive a Break-Up

Break-ups are never easy. Even truly dire relationships require time for mourning once they’re over. (Trust me, I’ve been there.) You’re entitled to feel as though the earth is crumbling around you when someone you care about suddenly stops being a part of your life. Tears must be shed, walls must be punched and, eventually, expensive clothing he had the audacity to leave at your house must be burned.

Car-tastrophe! Hot Doctors, Whiplash and Plenty of Stress.

I know I've been Missing in Action for a while and I apologise. I've been stretched to my limits over the past few weeks trying to organise the new business. Who would have thought being a full-time princess would take up so much time and energy? And, to make matters even more stressful, I've been sharing my car with my parents for almost two weeks now. Few things are less comfortable than being forced to sit in the back seat of your own car. Except, of course, if you have a Peugeot 206 cc. That's even less comfortable due to the fact that the back seat is only really big enough for a very small child. Or a chihuahua.

But, unfortunately, my parents' car got towed away in a very sad state after a car crash, which mangled the entire back end of the car, potentially traumatised Lauren for life and, above all, ruined my plans for the evening.

It was a Thursday afternoon and, by some cruel twist of fate, I had been forced to go to the Harvester with my mother and the children after school. I loathe the Harvester. Even if we put aside the fact that every time I've been there my food has been tasteless and disturbingly soggy, there's something about an all you can eat salad bar that does not sit well with me. Perhaps it's the thought of refrigerated beetroot or perhaps it's because, having been there with Lauren, I've witnessed how easy it is for a small child to lick the giant spoon used to serve the blue cheese dip without anyone noticing. Whatever the reason, I was looking forward to putting thoughts of questionable coleslaw behind me and heading off to my yoga class that evening.

Unfortunately, I never made it to yoga.

On the way home Ellis sat in the passenger seat and I sat in the back with Lauren. They were arguing about who could think of the most words beginning with the letter F. Ellis was coming out with 'frustration', 'fusion', 'fraction'. Lauren, on the other hand, was listing things along the lines of "Frozen castle", "Frozen Elsa", "Frozen Arendelle".

It was rainy and dark and it was rush hour. The motorway was packed. For some reason the driver in front slammed on her breaks and my mother couldn't slow down in time. We all screamed (admittedly I screamed the loudest and for longest) as we bumped into the back of the car in front. I had time to think, "Oh wow, we hit it" before the car behind went into the back of us with full force. Apparently she hadn't seen us so she hadn't even put on her breaks.

There were a few moments of stunned silence (and total agony through my entire back) before the scene erupted into chaos. And then there I was, standing on the side of the motorway in the rain, looking at what was left of the boot of my parents' car with a screaming child in my arms. Lauren was hysterical.

"Where are the police?" She screamed, sobbing into my neck.
"Don't worry about it darling. We're all alright."
"No, I want to talk to the police! I want to talk to them right now!"
Goodness knows what she intended to say to them.

Ellis, on the other hand, stayed put in the front of the car, listening to the radio and happily surveying the scene. He was the calmest one of us all!

Then, as if things weren't dramatic enough, another group of cars crashed just a little way up the motorway from us. Before long the hard-shoulder was packed with half a dozen cars, all looking rather worse for wear, two ambulances, a police car and a screaming five year old, still demanding to speak to the police.

And so, at just about the time when I should have been working on my downward-facing dog, I found myself in the back of an ambulance on the way to the hospital. Lauren had cheered up considerably by this time and was asking the paramedic a thousand and one questions.
"What does that button do?"
"Why is that tissue blue?"
"Why is Ellis sitting on a bigger chair than me?"
"Why are you sitting like that?"
"Are you going to put one of those tubes in my arm?"
And, as if I hadn't been through enough already that evening, my phone died in the middle of a Snapchat conversation. That was worse than the back pain!

When we got to the hospital, Ellis had to be put onto a stretcher because his wheelchair was crushed inside the boot of the car back on the side of the motorway. Naturally Lauren insisted on wheeling him through the hospital, happy to mow down anyone who got in her way. She steered him into the wall a few times, but eventually we made it into the paediatrics unit with no further injuries.

When the doctor finally arrived to check the children over (Ellis had hurt his back and Lauren was insisting that absolutely everything was hurting, despite the fact that was alternatively crawling around on the floor and climbing up onto Ellis' hospital bed) I couldn't believe my eyes. He was gorgeous! I couldn't help wishing I'd taken a few moments during the ambulance ride to reapply my lipstick!

So Dr Gorgeous examined the children and did his best to fend off Lauren as she tried to climb up his legs (she is just as partial to a handsome man as I am. Thankfully I have slightly more self-control) and I was inwardly cursing the harsh hospital lighting, which was doing nothing for my already drained and pale complexion.

That's when the handsome doctor referred to me as Ellis and Lauren's mother. Really?! Either I look so young that I have to produce my driving licence to buy a scratch card or I look old enough to be a mother of two children. It can't be both! I mean, I know the lighting was anything but flattering, but come on!

The children were given the all clear, despite Lauren's best attempts to convince the doctor that she was in agony, whilst simultaneously trying to swat him with a book. Then he asked if my mother and I were injured at all, which triggered a great deal of inner conflict. My back and neck were still hurting, but I had foolishly ignored my grandmother's wise advice of always wearing matching underwear in case you're ever hit by a bus. True I'd only been hit by a three door car, but there was still a chance I'd be forced to expose the fact that I was wearing mismatched lingerie. Of all the days to opt for comfort!

Luckily, after a few quick questions, I was able to bypass an x-ray and keep my pink pants hidden. If only Dr Gorgeous could have done me the favour of not mentioning 'possible incontinence' I would have escaped the hospital without any further mortification. I guess you can't win them all.

Despite the total destruction of my parents' car, an evening spent flitting between horror and humiliation, and a missed yoga class, things really weren't as bad as they could have been. My back is still very painful (and my neck makes a disturbing clicking sound when I look to the right), but no one was badly hurt. The woman in the car in front had barely any damage to her vehicle and was able to drive away from the accident with no problems. The woman behind had obviously squashed the front of her car by going into us with such force, but neither of them were hurt and that's the main thing. Yes, my favourite lipstick was in the car when the garage came to tow it away, but, that great loss aside, we were all very lucky. 

Fabulous Photo Gifts: Snapfish Goodies Review!

Now that Halloween is over I'm starting to allow myself to think a little about Christmas. I'm not the kind of person who feels the need to put up a Christmas tree in the first week of November and I am most certainly not the kind of person who posts those memes of Will Ferrell in Elf with the caption 'only 150 more sleeps until Christmas'. In fact, I usually like to keep the holiday entirely confined to the month of December. But this is the first time in three years that I'm going to be home for the run up to Christmas so I can't help getting excited. Plus, the lovely people at Snapfish sent me a voucher so I could write up a review for them so, thanks to them, my Christmas shopping is already well under way too!

Let me just begin by saying that I love photos. My room in university was plastered with them and I have a totally overwhelming obsessive compulsive thing going on with putting all the family prints in chronologically ordered albums with labels. I feel very strongly about it, which is probably weird.

Anyway, at this time of year I always see adverts for personalised photo gifts, but I've never actually gone out and bought any because I was convinced they would look totally cheesy and that the gift recipient would be like, "...wow...a t-shirt with a picture of you on...thanks...". But I must say, I am very impressed with the things I got sent from Snapfish and I will definitely be purchasing more photo gifts from them in the future. Overall the choice was amazing, the quality is great and I now have a whole bunch of quirky personalised Christmas gifts to dish out this year. And some goodies for myself. (Of course!) So here's a look at the goodies I got...

Photo Calendar

Firstly I ordered a calendar for my mother (so let's hope she doesn't read this). I have to say, I had a lot of fun designing it. There are what feels like hundreds of different background themes for you to choose from. I was in creative heaven! When choosing your backgrounds you can either keep it simple and choose a theme, which includes twelve different backgrounds, one for each month, or you can go totally crazy like I did and scroll through them all and mix and match. Great for people like me who are extremely picky! 

You can also change the photo layouts to include a different number of photos and you can add captions. My favourite part was that you can customise the dates on the calendar and add pictures and captions to them, which makes it even more personal. What's more, you guys know how much of a technophobe I am, but all of these changes were really simple to make and it's all very self-explanatory. Bonus!

Notebook

Next I got myself a cute little notebook. I have a bizarre, deep-rooted love for stationary so I couldn't resist the idea of owning a notebook with my face on it! You can opt for either lined or blank paper and you can customise the cover depending on what background you want and how many photos you want to put on there. The covers are paperback and usually I'm a hardback kind of gal, but I must say it is sturdy. It has successfully survived being stuffed into and carted around in my handbag of doom without any sustaining any damage. In my world that speaks volumes.

Animated Backpack Tag

While we're on the topic of animated gifts, I also got myself an animated backpack tag, which may actually be my favourite thing. I was initially unsure about the whole 'animated' business. You can choose between tags that had two photos that would switch back and forth as you moved them side to side or one like mine, which is just one photo that looks 3D because of the concertina fold. (I'm sure there's an easier way to explain that, but just roll with my convoluted ramblings.) 

Despite my reservations, it looks fabulous and now I wish I had ordered a few more things from their animated range. The quality on this is really great and I can't wait for my next trip so I can use it! Seriously, I love it! Why wouldn't I need a picture of myself in a cowboy hat on my luggage?

Photo Mug

I also got a Christmas present for my sister-in-law. I opted for a photo mug with a collage of pictures of my niece and nephew. You can upload up to 15 photos (or just stick to one) and add a caption. This is super cute! Again, the quality is high and it doesn't look tacky. You can pick the colour and the font of the caption, which is great too. My parents absolutely fell in love with it when they saw it so maybe I'm going to have to order in a few more of these...

Photo Keyring

Last but not least, I ordered a keyring with one of my favourite pictures of my niece and nephew on it. Originally I had intended to give it to my father to put on his work keys, but I'm very tempted to keep it for myself. It just makes me smile! Simple, but effective.

So, as you can see, I ordered quite a selection of different bits and pieces. The Snapfish website is easy to use (good for people like me who have no technical knowledge and/or patience) and I'm happy with all my goodies. Now I just have to finish off the rest of my Christmas shopping. Wish me luck with that!

To snap up some fabulous photo gifts of your own this Christmas, head over to the Snapfish website:
http://www.snapfish.co.uk/snapfishuk/welcome

Someone Hand me a Tiara, I'm Officially a Princess!

"...we're both women of business..."

Well, I've hinted at it and mentioned it in passing and used all of my self control to stop myself from blurting it out for the past month or more while boring bits of paperwork were still being signed and nods from official-type people were waiting to be received, but at long last I am officially self-employed. My Entrepreneur Barbie beams down at me from my dressing table every morning and I think about how much we have in common. We both like shoes and pink things and we're both women of business now. Granted her hair is significantly better than mine and she never gets bags under her eyes, but I try not to dwell on that.

So what is this business I hear you cry? Am I going to be some kind of high powered business woman in a suit, talking about graphs and holding business meetings in Starbucks? No. Of course not.

"I am...a princess"

I am fulfilling my life's ambition. I am...a princess. I think the technical term is 'children's entertainer', but I love to see how people react when they ask what I do for a living and I tell them I'm a princess. They are most likely inwardly debating whether or not I'm crazy. 

But I swear I am totally sane. Or, at least, as sane as I have always been. I've started up a hire-a-princess business. If you read my post about Lauren's birthday party back in August, then you may recall the Elsa impersonator we hired. The one who had her black bra on show and seemed to have no actual knowledge of Frozen. And didn't actually talk to the children. Or smile.

Well right then I there I decided to go ahead and become a princess impersonator myself. I mean, clearly this job is only second to actually working in Disney World! And, being a perfectionist, and lifelong princess fan, I knew I could do a good job of it.

So my bedroom is covered in glitter and rhinestones and there are princess-themed props all over the house (much to my mother's dismay). I've gone on a business course and can now confidently navigate Microsoft Excel and sort out my taxes. I have leaflets and my very own business page on Facebook (which you should totally go and like, by the way) and things are finally getting off the ground.

I had my first party this weekend and it was absolutely magical! The little ones were in awe and it was just fabulous! We had a princess story time, lots of lovely photos and the birthday girl had a very special pixie dust wish. One little one was a particularly big fan and came out with all sorts of wonderful questions and comments. My particular favourite was, "I've been at work all day in the killing factory. We kill the nasty animals for people to eat. Not the nice ones though, only the nasty ones". Oh, the mind of a four year old is a wonderful thing!

So I am officially a princess and loving every minute of it (apart from the accounts, obviously). I mean, prancing around, singing, watching Disney films and getting to dress up in sparkly princess dresses...it's the job I was born to do! 

Halloween Havoc!

It's no secret that I love Halloween. There's something magical about the musty smell of a box of Halloween decorations and the thrill of carving out pumpkin guts. Usually my father and I will start planning for Halloween in the Spring. There are props to construct, costumes to put together, themes to imagine. It's a big deal. But this year there was to be no party. My brother was working nights and Ellis and Lauren were going to a Halloween disco with their friends from school so, for the first time in more years than I can remember, there would be no spider webs, fake blood or shrieks of terror in the Wellington household on October 31st.

...Or so we thought...

In fact, the school disco was on the 30th, meaning the kids would have no spooky celebrations on Halloween itself, which, in this family, is totally unacceptable. Fast-forward to the afternoon of Halloween, which I spent in a state of utter panic, searching in vain for pumpkins, hyperventilating at the distinct lack of decorations I had to work with, and edging ever closer to the brink of insanity as I was forced to accept there was no time to make creepy cupcakes.

As if trying to plan an ad-hock Halloween celebration in less than 24 hours isn't hard enough, by 12:30pm Asda had already packed away their Halloween aisle and had replaced all the spooky party supplies and trick or treat sweets with Christmas crackers and baubles. I wasn't the only irritated customer loitering at the end of the aisle in disbelief, wondering why they couldn't have waited an extra 24 hours before snatching all the Halloween themed goodies out from under our noses. Luckily Tesco had a fantastic selection of Halloween themed treats, but, in my highly stressed state, I couldn't resist having a little dig at Asda on Twitter. After all, it was totally ridiculous to pack up all the Halloween stock before Halloween was over and what's Twitter for if not to rant to the world?

"I think I did a pretty good job considering time constraints"

Once my slightly passive aggressive moment has passed, I headed home for some manic decorating and an entirely new problem. What on Earth was I going to wear? The Playboy witch costume I had set aside for a grown up Halloween celebration with my friends was not going to cut it for trick-or-treating with small children. I mean, even if I traded in the stockings for tights, there was no hiding the suspenders.

So I was forced to take my own advice as outlined in my last blog post and rummage around the house to find some odds and ends I could make a costume out of. Personally, I think I did a pretty good job considering the time constraints.

And, despite all the frantic rushing around and the last-minute nature of everything, our little get together went really well. Lauren and I went out trick-or-treating (Ellis and his friend, Alex, are apparently too old and cool for that sort of thing now) and it was the perfect night for it. It was unseasonally warm and the air was dry and still. Whereas usually trick-or-treaters are few and far between, this year the streets were full of children rushing from one house to the next. I felt like I was in a scene from Hocus Pocus! And the bonus moment was when my neighbour insisted on giving me £1 because 'I made such a pretty witch'. I don't understand people who don't like Halloween. How can anyone have negative feelings towards a holiday centred on fancy dress and free sweets?! 

When trick-or-treating was over, we settled down to stuff our faces with pizza and chocolates and watch Hocus Pocus. (Side note, someone please remind me I simply have to dress as Sarah Sanderson next Halloween. Sarah Jessica Parker seriously rocks that look!) It was lovely.

After all the last minute stress, our low-key little Halloween get together was perfect. It was just like the Halloween celebrations we used to have when I was little, before we started bringing in bigger props and planning more intricate games. Bobbing apples and a scary story were more than enough to keep everyone happy.

Unfortunately, happiness quickly evaporated and was replaced with shrieks of genuine terror when Lauren caught sight of the decapitated bride's head we had hanging in the bathroom. I hope I won't have to pay for her therapist's fees one day because of that...

Cheap and Easy DIY Halloween Costumes

Halloween is one of my favourite times of year. At our house we've always made a big deal of it, decorating the house inside and out, making paper mache heads, discussing pumpkin carving over dinner and the like. Personally, I love planning out my Halloween costumes and, even on the few years at uni when I didn't celebrate, I still had a costume on standby just in case. But I'm aware that not everyone has a box full of witches hats, vampire corsets and cat ears and that, for some people, the aim is just to find something quick, simple and cheap to throw on.

So I thought I'd write up a little post filled with ideas for last minute costumes made from things you'll probably already have hanging in the wardrobe. Zero effort and zero fuss.

Zombie

The cool thing about being a zombie is that you can be a zombie anything. If there is not something in your house right now that you can use to be a zombie I would be amazed. For instance, if you have any non-Halloween fancy dress costumes, you can splatter a bit of fake blood, darken up your eyes and make a very convincing zombie Snow White/ pirate/ doctor/ lifeguard...anything. I have even seen people taking it to a whole new level and opting to go as a zombie witch, so you could even recycle last year's costume.

If you have no fancy dress costumes to work with at all, a) seriously take a look at yourself because that is totally unacceptable in my eyes and b) don't panic. What's in your wardrobe? A school uniform could work or some converse with a band t-shirt to make a zombie rock star costume. Even your PJs are an option. And, if all else fails, just be a zombie you. Make up is key.

Superhero 

Forget overpriced Batman gear. All you need is bright, contrasting colours. Take a marker pen and draw your initial on a brightly coloured t-shirt, match it with some coloured tights or leggings and, if you're not comfortable going along with the traditional 'pants on show' thing that superheroes seem to be so fond of, you could always opt for a pair of shorts or a skirt instead. Then you just need an eye mask, which you could make out of spare fabric or paper and you're set to go forth and fight crime.

Animal 

If Mean Girls has taught us anything it's that all you need to make a convincing Halloween costume is a pair of animal ears. The lingerie is, of course, optional. But going as a cat, mouse, dog, rabbit, fox or whichever animal you choose is wonderfully simple. A few years back I went as a cat for Halloween. I reused my black lace dress I'd bought to be a witch the year before, attached a tail and popped on some ears and it was one of my favourite costumes of all time.

Witch

My mother does not like Halloween. She will put up with the parties, does her best to ignore the excessive amount of skulls and giant spiders we have spread throughout the house during the month of October, and even went along with us covering her bathroom in fake blood a few years back. But she will not wear a costume. Instead, what she does each and every year is dress entirely in black, grab a cheap broomstick and throw on a witch's hat. The moral of the story being never underestimate the power of accessories.

Creepy China Doll

I love creepy china doll costumes! You can get some really beautiful ones in fancy dress shops. Personally I am in love with this one:

But if you don't want to spend out any money and you just want to throw something quick and cheap together, then the creepy china doll can still work as the perfect Halloween costume. Look in your cupboard. Any a-line dress or skirt will work and ditsy patterns, ruffles and bows are all perfect. If you have a petticoat or tutu to stick underneath then even better.
Here's an example of what you can put together in a matter of minutes. I raided my cupboard and pulled out a few things at random in less than 60 seconds. Of course, it would be great if you could add embellishments or maybe take a look in some charity shops for something will puffed sleeves, but this is proof that you can put together a doll costume in a few seconds flat without spending a penny. Again, it's all in the make up with this costume.

Barbie

If I was blonde this would be my go-to costume. Think pink! Pink dress, pink shoes, pink lipstick. Providing you can find some kind of pink attire, rock some cute shoes and look unnaturally happy all night, you can pull this off without a problem.

Regina George

I saw this idea on Pinterest and simply had to share it. Mean Girls is one of those iconic films, loved by all. Quotes such as "She doesn't even go here" and "Four for you Glen Coco, you go Glen Coco" have been legendary and, despite it's simplicity, I really think this costume would go down a storm. All you need is a purple bra, white top, black skirt, and a bad-ass attitude.  

Wally 

Stripy jumper. Glasses. Bobble hat. Go.

Homicidal Maniac

And, if all else fails, take a leaf out of Wednesday Addams' book.

So, as you can see, there's no need to panic if you find yourself stuck without a costume on All Hallow's Eve without a stitch to wear. There are plenty of costumes you can put together with things you have at the back of your wardrobe. So go have a rummage and see what treasures you can find.

Happy Halloween!

Crunchy Leaves and Pumpkins: It's Autumn!

Three weeks ago I was wearing flip flops and sunglasses. Then, all of a sudden, literally overnight, I had to trade in my sparkly sandals for wellies and have, over the last fortnight, found myself in the centre of more thunder storms than I care to recollect. Just last week I had to spend the entire second half of a day-long business course sitting in my socks like a total professional because I'd stupidly allowed myself to get caught in a downpour of Biblical proportions on my ways to Greg's at lunchtime. In my Uggs. They will never be the same again. 

So it seems that Autumn is well and truly upon us. Either that or, judging from the extreme weather conditions of the past few weeks, we are in the early stages of the Apocalypse. Either way, I've been tagged by the wonderful Mismatched Knitwear to complete this Autumn themed post. So here we go...

What do you love most about Autumn?

As much as I love that weirdly satisfying found of newly fallen leaves crunching underfoot, my absolute favourite thing about Autumn is Halloween. Carving pumpkins, watching Hocus Pocus, erecting a graveyard in the front garden to terrify trick-or-treaters...I love it all. Over the years some of my best memories have been of Halloween parties or of helping my dad put together ridiculous props and hauling all the boxes of decorations down from the attic.









And, for my fellow Halloween junkies, I'm in the middle of uploading a series of Halloween makeup tutorials on my Youtube Channel that you will almost definitely love. (Shameless self-promotion.)

What's you favourite seasonal drink from Starbucks/ Costa/ Cafe Nero?

I didn't even know that coffee shops offered seasonal drinks. Coffee is something I avoid at all costs and will only resort to if I'm travelling a long way or find myself falling asleep in my sandwich. Even then, so offensive is the taste to me that I always order a vanilla latte and add four sweeteners to make it bearable.

What accessories do you opt for, scarf, boots, gloves?

All of the above! Add to that earmuffs and mittens I can thread through my coat on a string. I may look like an oversized child, but I'll be the one laughing when you lose your gloves. 

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What's your favourite music to listen to during Autumn?

I don't tend to change my music tastes according to the seasons. I'll probably continue listening to the bizarre selection of CDs I currently have in my car. You know, the likes of the Frozen soundtrack, a Britney Spears album from the 90s and a whole lot of country music. I know, I'm the height of cool.

What candle scents will you be burning this season?

I feel like for some reason it's assumed that all bloggers should have strong feelings about things like overpriced candles and washi tapes. I'm terribly sorry to disappoint you, but if I light a candle it's usually because I want to burn something, not because I have a strong attachment to the smell of pine needles infused with tangerine extracts...or whatever.

What's your favourite perfume for this time of year?

I had a bottle of Beyonce Pulse for my birthday last month and I am absolutely in love with it. I don't think it's a particularly Autumnal fragrance (although I'm not sure what would be apart from pumpkins or smushed damp leaves), but I love it all the same.

Favourite make up look?

I'm very excited for berry lips this Autumn. In fact I would love some recommendations because otherwise lipstick shopping can be a whole minefield.

What are you looking forward to most in Autumn?

This Autumn I'm going to be setting up my own business. I know I've been promising to throw light on this exciting news, but I can't fill you in on all the details just yet. I'm still in the boring process of making cash flow forecasts and signing paperwork. But as soon as things are up and running I seriously can't wait to tell you guys all about it! (You will definitely think I'm mad.)


So there you have it. A little seasonal post, which will hopefully brighten up this chilly Autumn afternoon.

Oh, and to my American readers, I'm talking about Fall. Yeah, that confused the Beacon more than once...