Monthly Musings: August 2016

To be entirely honest, I'm not really sure where August began and where it ended. Was I even there? To be fair, it's really hard to keep track of time when you're not in work or school. I very rarely know what day it is anymore. Roll on the start of my first semester back at uni!

But, for all that, it's been a pretty good month. My baby niece turned seven (seven!) and, partly because I want to be the coolest aunt ever and partly to wind up my brother, I bought her a six foot unicorn. I finally renewed my gym membership and went for a swim for the first time in about 10 years (I felt as if I was going to drown after a mere two laps, but, hey, I'll get there eventually). The sun finally came out a couple of times and it was even warm enough for a dip in the sea!

So all in all August has been an excellent end to my summer!

Magical Moment

Here's a picture of my touching a cow. A cow! I've been terrified of cows for most of my life. Nobody (including myself) understands why. It's not like I endured any bizarre cattle-related trauma as a small child of anything, but, whatever the reason, even the knowledge that there could be a cow somewhere within a three mile radius was always enough to send me into hysterics.
I knew I had to deal with this fear. After all, it's not acceptable to turn 25 and still have a crippling fear of lumbering herbivorous farm animals.

So, when my friend Beth and I went to a local country park and came across a miniature farm, I repressed my initial instinct to flee, arms flailing at the mere thought that there could be cows lurking nearby. In fact I looked them square in the face, sidled up to their enclosure and touched one (after a great deal of hyperventilating and crying).

The Return of the Littlest Loon!

It's been just over a year since I managed to get my niece to take 10 minutes out of her busy schedule of pretending to be a cat and hiding Playdough under the sofa to sit down and answer a series of questions about her life. I published her bizarre little ramblings in a blog post, which was (inevitably) heavily focussed on unicorns and princesses.

Now Lauren is six years old and I couldn't help wondering just how much her answers to those questions had changed over the course of a year. I mean, sure, her favourite colour is no longer pink, she's cast aside Sleeping Beauty in favour of Princess Jasmine and you'll never catch her performing the once beloved 'Cutie Patootie' dance. But how much has that adorable little weirdo really changed in the last thelve months?

To answer that question I spent last Saturday afternoon delving into the mind of a teeny tiny loon again as she sat on my bed, munching her way through a packet of digestive biscuits. (When I got into bed that night there were crumbs everywhere!)

And here's what she had to say. Everything I said is in purple and Lauren's words of wisdom are in green.

Ok, you ready?

Yeah.

What makes you happy?

Having fun!

What kind of fun?

Umm...going to the park and going to the trips in school.

What makes you sad?

When people are mean to me in school.

What makes you laugh?

Telling me jokes and me being silly.

If you could do anything today what would you do?

*Long interval of biscuit munching*

Umm...go to Disneyland!

How old are you?

*Gives me a dirty look as if I am the worst auntie in the world for even daring to ask this*

Six!

How old am I?

*Shrugs*

Have a guess.

Thirty two?

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Ump,,,,,nothing.

Nothing? What are you going to do all day?

Stay in the house and be lazy. And I'm not going to have a boyfriend either. I'm going to stay on my own and be lazy.

All on your own?

Well...some kids.

You're going to have some kids?

Yeah. But I'm not going to have anything in my house except a bed.

But you don't want a boyfriend. Children need a mammy and a daddy.

*munch munch munch*
....I'm going to be an auntie then. 

Ok.

I don't want kids. No! I don't want my own. But I want a grand-kid. I don't want my own kids. 

You don't?

No! ...How old are you?

Twenty four.

...Ok. What's the next question?

Who's your best friend?

Tommy. No, actually Tommy isn't my best friend. He's my boyfriend.

So who's your best friend?

Rex and Max.

I haven't heard of them before. Are they in your school?

No. *whispers* They're in the caravan.

What's your favourite animal?

Rainbow Dash.

What's your favourite song?

Bad Romance!

What's your favourite food?

Umm...broccoli?

Where is your favourite place to go?

Disneyland!

What are you really good at?

Maths.

What are you not very good at?

Nothing!

You're good at everything?

*giggles like a crazy person* 
I'm not good at making people! 

What do you want for your birthday?

A real friend Rainbow Dash pony! 

What did you do today?

Umm...played a game. I was in the caravan and then I played a game and then I came to Nanna's house and I played a game again and then I'm going home and I'm going to play a game agaaaiiin!!

Those were all the questions. Do you have anything to add?

I want to stick my tongue out!  

And there you have it!
You know, part of me wonders what a trained professional would make of some of that...

Must-Have Halloween Goodies!

It's my favourite time of year again! The ground is scattered with crunchy orange leaves, the morning air is crisp and fresh and, best of all, Halloween is just around the corner!

I've been in love with Halloween since I can remember. The musty smell of Halloween decorations that have been sitting in the attic for the last 12 months, the feel of pumpkin guts between my fingers, scaring the life life out of my niece and nephew, I love it all!

I thought it was totally necessary to write a Halloween themed post since the witching hour is almost upon us so today I'm going to share my must-have Halloween goodies with you.

The Lush Halloween Range - Lush

Yes, all of it! Every year Lush brings out a range of Halloween themed bath and body goodies that smell frightfully good. I am obsessed with Lush products all year round so it goes without saying that these spooky soaps just call to me.

I am particularly drawn to the Sparkly Pumpkin. Lush, Halloween and glitter all combined into a single product?! Yes, I'm all over that!
Grab it here!

Yankee Candles - Yankee Candle website

Ok, I'm going to be honest with you. I have never understood the worldwide obsession with Yankee Candles. £20 for something I am literally going to set fire to? Really?
But recently I've become totally obsessed with scented candles. Every time I leave the house I somehow manage to find a new candle to add to my collection.

And the candles I am most desperate to get my hands on right now are the Halloween Yankee Candles. I have no idea what Witches Brew could possibly smell like. I just know that I need it in my life!
Grab it here!

Hotel Chocolat Boo! Box - Hotel Chocolat

Let's be honest, one of the best parts of Halloween is stuffing your face with sweets at the end of the night. Usually goody bags are filled with cheap lollies and gummy bears, but now that I'm a fully grown adult (most of the time) I think it's acceptable to splash out on some posh treats from Hotel Chocolat.

Grab it here!

The Nightmare Before Christmas Jack and Sally Mug - The Disney Store

The perfect addition to your mug tree this Halloween...and all year round! I have a deep-rooted love for Disney Store mugs, which is slightly odd considering I don't drink hot drinks. They are just beautiful to look at. Is that weird? Probably.

Grab it here!

Hocus Pocus Wallet Phone Case - Etsy

The obsession is real! Hocus Pocus is one of my all time favourite films and I have always wanted to get my hands on The Book. I mean, how great would that look casually sitting on my nightstand?
This phone case is a slightly more practical size than the actual book and is absolutely adorable (in a creepy, bizarre kind of way). There are plenty of different sizes for different phone models too.

Grab it here!


Hopefully this post will inspire you to go out and bag some Halloween goodies. I for one have accepted that my bank balance is about to take a serious blow.
Have a happy Halloween everyone!

Swapping High Heels for Trainers: How the Ultimate Girlie Girl Survived Sports Camp.

Well, I've shaken off the jet lag, caught up on those two months worth of sleep, and the green tie-dye on my fingernails is finally starting to fade. A month ago I was a camp counsellor in Maine. I'm amazed at how quickly I got back into the monotony of the real world and began to feel as though it was all just some kind of hazy dream.

There's no excuse for abandoning you all for so long again without a post. True, my first four days back on UK soil were dedicated purely to sleeping with short intervals of napping (and a brief pause for pizza on the fourth day), but since then I've had ample opportunity to sit down with my laptop a write about my experiences in the USA. The only thing that's been stopping me is...well, where do I even begin? How do I organise two months worth of memories (99% of which now seem totally bizarre when I look back on them) into a blog post?

Well, I'm going to give it my best shot.

For those of you who don't already know, my agency paired me with an all boys' sports camp. Yes, yours truly, collector of high heels and avid lip-gloss enthusiast, was went to work in an all boys' sports camp. Have I ever given any indication to anyone that I am good at or have any interest in sports? (Aside from cheerleading, of course, but come on! Half the fun of that is the sparkly bows!)

No, I don't do sports.

But all the same I ended up in an all boys' sports camp with only three other girls to keep me sane company. Naturally everyone else there was a sports enthusiast. It didn't take long before I was exposed as the freak who couldn't so much as kick a ball.

At some point during the first few days of orientation, we were sent to meet the basketball coach for a talk. Alarm bells started ringing as soon as I realised the 'talk' was taking place in the basketball gym. By the time we got to the gym and the coach told us all the line up at the edge of the court, I had by-passed panic and had simply resigned myself to the fact that humiliation was imminent.

"Ok, I want you all to sprint up to the free-throw line and back."

Wait! What? Why are you making me run? I didn't know this job would involve compulsory sprints! I don't run. I fall!

But, above all that, was another concern. I put up my hand.
"Ok, it's just...which one is....I don't know...which line is that exactly?"
The coach looked at me like I was a Martian (which was actually pretty accurate in this instance) and said, "You do know you're in sports camp, right?"
"Yes."
As if I could forget!
"Wait, which sport are you coaching?"
"...Arts and crafts."
And just like that my secret was out. But at least from that moment on we were all on the same page. Don't ask me any sport-related questions. Don't throw any balls my way. Don't expect me to care about the difference between Michael Jordan and Lebron James.

That's not to say I managed to avoid sports for the rest of the summer. After all, it was a sports camp!

There was the afternoon I was scheduled to coach tennis. I'm not entirely sure why, when there were two professional tennis coaches, they had to bring in the arts and crafts director who hadn't so much as picked up a racquet in over ten years. I quickly got demoted from teacher to student...and was by far the worst student on the court. It's very demoralising when the nine-year-olds you're meant to be teaching are significantly better than you.  

Then there were football games I was asked to referee ("I'm sorry, I have no idea what the offside rule is so you'll probably need to find someone else"), stray balls I was asked to throw back to their owners, the afternoon the ice rink was opened up for free-skate. As much as I tried, there really was no way around it. I had managed to avoid sports for the first 23 years of my life, but suddenly there was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.

All I could do was try my best and hope I didn't get hit in the head with a ball.

And maybe all that compulsory sport did me some good after all. I mean, by the end of the summer I could actually catch a ball and, for the first time in my life, I could do a respectable push-up! 

But even so, I think I'm going to be taking a break from sports for a while. You know, like the next 30 to 40 years.

I've Returned with my Sanity (ish): My Summer at an All Boys Sports Camp

Well, what a long, bizarre two months those were! I successfully survived a summer working at an all boys sports camp in the USA, although my opinion of cheese has been dramatically altered forever and it may be some time before I can look at a football without being reduced to random outbreaks of twitching and tears. In fact, I may have reached my quota for all things sports related for the next thirty five years. 

I had every intention of keeping my blog at least somewhat up to date while I was out there. I lugged my out-of-date, 5 tonne laptop all the way to Maine with the best of intentions, honestly. I just didn't have the time. I mean, how is it even possible to be awake for so many hours and still have so few minutes free?

One night I did find myself with a little bit of extra free time and, being the dedicated blogger I am, I opted to attempt writing up a post through my haze of utter exhaustion instead of collapsing on my bed to indulge in some American Netlfix.

And this is what I wrote...

Hey y'all! Apologies for abandoning you for over a month without much more than a few half-hearted snaps on Instagram, but when you're a camp counsellor time is like gold dust. I work anywhere from 12 to 17 hours a day and, during my one break, I face the daily struggle of trying to decide whether my highest priority is showering or napping. I never thought I'd consider shaving my legs to be a luxury, but now that point is long since passed.

And yet, even though the days are seemingly never ending, even though the bags under my eyes have gotten so bad I'm concerned they may be permanently engrained on my face from this day forward, and even though I've been reduced to wearing my hair in plaits and cutting eyeliner out of my life completely, I really am enjoying myself.

I arrived in the USA on June 21st after a 4 hour car ride, a punctured tire, a 7 hour flight and a 90 minute wait at border patrol. I was welcomed into the country by a grumpy Bostonian at border patrol who sounded eerily like an angry version of Buddy Valastro from Cake Boss. Thus my American adventure began.

What do I even begin to say about camp?

This job ranks very highly on the list of most bizarre things I've ever done and, let me tell you, that says a great deal. At least five times a day I look around and find myself thinking, 'is this just a long, drawn out, extremely bizarre dream?' Of course, it could just be that I'm so sleep deprived by this point that my brain is actually starting to melt out through my ears, but...

And that's as far as I got before I literally passed out on my keyboard. I am not exaggerating when I say I was like the living dead. Most days I survived solely on questionable coffee and sheer willpower.

But, despite the long hours, sleep deprivation, being forced to watch more sports in seven weeks than I'd planned on watching in my entire life, and constantly finding glue in my hair, it was fun. I made some good friends and I have some amazing memories. Yes, there was also plenty of humiliation scattered throughout, but, for this post at least, let's skim over that.

And now I'm back! I hope you didn't miss me too much!