I Lost my V Fest V-Plates (and even used the porta-loos)

You know me, I'm never on time for anything in my life. So who here is really surprised that I'm blogging about V Fest an entire two weeks after it happened? To be fair, I've moved countries and started in a new job in that time so I'm sure you'll cut me a little slack. But I had to write this post, regardless of how late to party I am, because V Fest was quite simply the most unexpected fun I've ever had.

I'm not what you'd call a lover of the great outdoors.
The notion of a camping holiday has always seemed like one big contradiction to me. Is it really a holiday if there's no running water and you have to sleep on the floor? Is it even worth getting out of bed to go somewhere you can't wear stilettos? For some people the answer is yes. Those people have always bewildered me.

So, as I stuffed my rucksack (yes, rucksack!) full of cereal bars and anti-bac wipes the day before heading off to V Fest, I couldn't help feeling like I'd made some kind of terrible mistake. I had willingly agreed to go live in a tent and subject myself to porta-loos for three days. How would I survive?

To be blatantly honest, for the first couple of hours it didn't look like I would. I went with nine other girls, eight of whom were fellow festival virgins and all of whom had packed enough for a three week expedition. No-one warned us that the walk from the car to the campsite was the equivalent of walking from Swansea to Sweden and, on at least half a dozen occasions, I considered throwing my bags (yes, bags - plural) on the ground and setting up camp next to someone's Vauxhall Corsa.

By some miracle (and with the help of a rented wheelbarrow that set us back £20) we made it to the campsite and set up our tents. And, as we opened our first cans and basked in the watery British sunshine, the grey cloud of the hike from the car seemed to fade and all was right with the world. And from then on, it was simply amazing.

Hands down the best act of the weekend for me was Sean Paul (or, as he is officially known, Sean de Paul). I never realised it before, but apparently I am a massive Sean de Paul fan at heart. When he started sining Get Busy, it was as if all my Christmases had come at once!

Other notable acts were Pink (who came in on a crane because who needs stage doors?), Jay Z (who kept making ridiculous demands of the audience such as, "Everyone move back around 10 feet" and "You! Hold up that flag a little higher!) and Jason Derulo. Stormzy disappointed us all by not inviting Chris and Kem from Love Island up on stage, which we later agreed was totally muggy.

I've often been told that V Fest is the festival for people who don't do festivals and, as someone who doesn't do festivals, I wholeheartedly agree. There are people you can pay to put up your tent or get your drinks at the bar for you. The best part about it is that all the money goes to charity so you can feel good about ordering another round! And even the food was middle class. Who would have thought there'd be a champagne bar and a halloumi stall set up in the middle of a field?

And you know what? The camping side of things wasn't even that bad. Most nights I was so exhausted from walking back and forth to the arena that I passed out as soon as my head hit the useless camping pillow. Even the porta-loos weren't too bad...you know, providing you didn't use them after 5pm and gave yourself a little pep-talk about not thinking about the germs as you peed. All in all the mud and frizzy hair and lack of showers were all a small price to pay for such an enjoyable weekend.

Sign me up for next year! Of course...I will just take the one bag next time.