Don't let the title fool you. This isn't going to be about that first time, although that would probably be somewhat appropriate considering the general themes of my blog are awkwardness and humiliation. But no, this is just a little bit of an insight into some of my 'firsts'.
1. First Best Friend
My mother loves to tell this story to anyone who will listen so I may as well plaster it over the internet now and have done with it. When I was in nursery my best friend was a boy called Adam. Now, I have no recollection of this, but apparently, diva that I was, I told him he simply had to marry me. When he made it clear that he was not so keen on the idea of our upcoming nuptials, I threatened to sit outside his house in the snow until I died. (I have never been particularly good at subtlety.) Needless to say, Adam was slightly scarred by the whole incident, but my mother will insist on bringing it up whenever I introduce her to a new boyfriend.
2. First Kiss.
Assuming we're not counting the 'kissing under coats' game we used to play at school when we were six, I didn't have my first kiss until I was 17. There was no such thing as peer pressure in my friendship group. Underage sex was never a concern for our parents. We were always too busy watching Disney movies and planning fancy dress parties. And, to be honest, not much has changed.
So I didn't get my first kiss until I was 17. I was so convinced that I would make a mess of the whole situation that I every time I tried to lean in I laughed hysterically. Then I just said, "Look I'm sorry, but I can't get Bethan's voice out of my head saying 'my life is an awkward place' and it keeps distracting me". Since then kisses have gotten better. Thank goodness.
"We were always too busy watching Disney movies and planning fancy dress parties...not much has changed."
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| Fancy Dress at 16 |
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| Fancy Dress at 21 |
3. First Concert.
Remember Hear'Say? (I just had to look up what they were called on Google so I don't blame you if you can't.) When I was little I got tickets to see them. I was so excited! But the day of the concert came around and I got pretty bad tonsillitis. My mam still took me, bought me a whistle because I couldn't cheer, and held me on her lap so I could watch them. I only have a very vague memory of start of the concert and then I fell asleep. |
| "It just ruined the dream" |
To be honest, I've been through so many it's hard to keep track. Leonardo DiCaprio, Jonny Depp...Eminem was a particularly strange one looking back, but there's a long list. But thinking right back to my very first celebrity crush, it was probably Harvey Kinkle from Sabrina the Teenage Witch. I simply adored him. But last month I saw a recent picture of him. It just ruined the dream.
5. First Job.
My very first job was working in KFC when I was a teenager. It lasted about about an hour and a half. I was prepared to deal with the ugly uniform and smelling like grease. I was even willing to put aside my pride and wear the stupid cap. But on my very first morning, whether it was the knowledge of what went on in the kitchen or maybe just a stomach bug, I was very sick, and after that I just couldn't face going back to be known as the girl who vomited on her first day. I mean, I had to draw a line somewhere, for the sake of what little dignity I possess.
6. First Phone.
I have never been good with technology so I really have no idea. I know it was a Nokia. I know it was a brick. I know I named it Mike. There was no colour screen and it had monophonic ringtones. If I handed one to my 8 year old nephew he probably wouldn't recognise it as a phone.
7. First Music.
Back in the day I was all about the Spice Girls. I had Spice Girls dolls, Spice Girls lolly pops, a Spice Girls headband. In fact, I will unashamedly admit that I still have their album. I'm a little more embarrassed about the orange puffa jacket I had with the Spice Girls logo on it. But let's face it, the 90's were not kind to anyone fashion-wise.
8. First Tweet.
Twitter is a constant battle for me. A Facebook status I can handle. It's straightforward. Twitter involves @s and #s and it's taken me until now to have any kind of clue what's actually going on with it. (#technophobia) My very first tweet was:
Hardly the opening lines of one of Shakespeare's plays, but there we are. And while we're on the point, I'd love more followers (#shamelessbegging). My twitter name thing is @Welliiboots91
9. First Make-Up.
Who even knows? I can't really remember a time without make-up. I don't think I got into it with as much vigour as my niece when I was her age. She's had an obsession with make-up for a good while. She's 4 now and very into the street-walker look at the moment. She won't accept that there's such a thing as too much blush.
10. First Word.
I really have no idea, but I don't think it was a showstopper by any standards. My nephew on the other hand, decided that his first word would be 'dirty'. It was great just hearing him shout it at strangers.
11. First Pet.
When I was very young and my older brother still lived with us, he had two goldfish called Archimedes and Einstein. I decided we would share them. Then, diva that I was (are you seeing I theme running throughout my early years?), I decided I would just claim ownership of them. It was at that point that they lost their intellectual names and became, instead of Archimedes and Einstein, Jimmy and John. Because clearly Jimmy and John are fantastic fish names.
Well, that was certainly a nice distraction from the piles of work I need to get through this evening. And I'd love for this to be an opportunity for you guys to tell me about some of your firsts or even just openly mock mine. I mean, come on guys, this blog has now had over 1,500 views and not a single comment! I might start to get offended soon, which wouldn't be great because that teeny tiny diva might still be in there somewhere.
ha
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